Mistake #10 – Not Compromising

As a couple, you should be flexible and compromise for each other. In order for the relationship to remain healthy and strong, you must both learn to compromise from time to time.

If you aren’t willing to be flexible, it means you are either not mature enough to be in a serious relationship (flaw in your character) or you just don’t like the person enough to compromise. The same goes for your partner.

Here are two ways to compromise:

1) Find the middle ground. Take the “average” between your differences and meet each other half way.
2) Alternate. You compromise this time, your partner compromises next time.
If you do choose the second way, remember that it should be “balanced” over time.

Even if one side is pushier than the other, both parties should make just about the same amount of compromises over time. If one party constantly gives in, there will be a power imbalance, which will lead to a loss of romantic respect and eventually a loss of attraction.

Mistake #9 – Acting Jealous

Jealousy IS the green-horned devil when it comes to relationships.

If you’re the jealous type, then you really need to learn to control your jealousy. Or one day you will push your partner over the edge.

Here are a few tips on how to deal with your jealousy:

1) Understand that jealousy is a form of insecurity. Admit that the problem may be on your end, but not on your partner’s end.
2) Communicate with your partner without accusing them: “It made me uncomfortable to see you with that woman” instead of "why did you talk to that woman?"
3) Write it down in a journal whenever you feel jealous. Then go back to it a few days later and see if the outcome was as bad as you thought it would be.
4) Challenge your jealous thoughts. For example, say to yourself, “Yes, he did talk to my girlfriend, but I have no evidence that he wants to steal her. This is my insecurity trying to take control and it won’t help my relationship.” Focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening
5) Set clear rules and boundaries. For example, she can go out for lunch with guys, but she has to pay for herself.

If your partner is the one who’s jealous…then you should think about how bad the problem is.

If your partner a normal person who gets jealous every once in awhile, then you don't have too much to worry about. In fact, it's good to see your partner a bit jealous every now and then.

When it happens, you can just "defuse" their jealousy by teasing them playfully. For example, if your girlfriend calls a woman a bitch after the woman talks to you at a party, just say something like, "Nah. She's not a bitch. She just has good taste. And so do you." Then give her a kiss.

Problem solved.

But if your partner has a "chronic" jealousy problem, then you're in trouble.

Don’t forget that a person's jealousy usually comes from insecurity. This is why EVERYONE gets jealous every once in awhile...because nobody is perfect and we all do have our own insecurities.

So if your partner is VERY jealous ALL THE TIME, it's a sign they are very insecure...

And guess what?

Insecurity means low self-esteem, and low self-esteem means BAD CHARACTER.

If you're a student of the Smart Dating Course, then you should know what bad character means...

FIND ANOTHER PERSON!

I have said this a thousand times and I will say it again:

Remember that you cannot change a person's character.

“Take me as I am” is my motto when it comes to relationship. If you try to play therapist, it’s going to kill the relationship.

The other alternative, of course, is to learn to "tolerate" their jealousy. But let me warn you now: as time goes on, it will get harder and harder, and you'll probably be in for a very rough ride.

You have been warned!

Mistake #8 – Cheating On Your Partner…Or Letting Your Partner Cheat On You

Infidelity is a very common reason for breakups.

Once you’ve committed to a relationship, you should think twice before you have an affair with that cutie-pie at work.

If you feel tempted to cheat, then remind yourself that you’ve already in a relationship. And if you still feel like you “must” go after the new guy or girl, then ask yourself WHY you are still in a relationship with your current partner in the first place. (Maybe you should breakup with your partner!)

And if your partner is the one who cheated, then you should follow my two-strike rule.

In my experience as a dating coach, there are some rare occasions when a person does “repent”, reform, and never cheat again.

But unfortunately, most of the time, it will happen again, again, and again!

It’s sad, but true.

Remember what causes in the first place according to the Smart Dating Course: Low attraction and a lack of character.

Everybody is prone to cheating given the right amount of temptation. It’s just that some men and women have a higher “threshold for cheating” than others due to their good character.

For example, for some men, it may take just a “slut” at a party to get him to have a quickie in the bathroom behind his girlfriend’s back. With other men, it may take a supermodel on a faraway island. And of course, there are some guys who will never, never cheat. Ever.

Similarly, some women may never cheat, while with some other women it may take only a couple of drinks before they are ready to drop their pants for the first guy who hits on them.

It all depends on your partner’s character and how much they care about you.
And this is why a person who has cheated once before will often cheat again.
If you want to forgive your partner for cheating, then MAKE SURE you follow my two-strike rule.

If your partner cheats on you once, you can forgive them once.

But if they EVER cheat on you again…then it’s time to cut them lose. Just remember: you have already made a mistake the FIRST time by taking them back and letting them cheat on you again…

Making a mistake once is acceptable.

Making a mistake twice is also acceptable…

Consider it as a good lesson…

But making a mistake three times…

IT’S NOT ACCEPTABLE AT ALL!

Mistake #7 - Not Having a Life Outside Your Relationship

If you don’t have much of a life outside your relationship, I have some bad news for you:

I can guarantee that sooner or later you will not have a relationship either.

A healthy relationship requires space. Without individual lives, it won’t have enough space to grow.

If your partner has a life and you don’t, eventually your partner will leave you for someone who does have a life.

If you have a life and your partner doesn’t, eventually you will feel resentment because your partner will be constantly trying to get you to stay in the house too.

If neither of you have a life, then you’ll both be stuck in the house with each other. Tension will raise and eventually you’ll fight over everything and anything.

It may seem fun at the beginning because you’re getting an emotional payoff. But eventually it will kill the relationship.

I have seen it happen…many times.

So…

What are your dreams? What are your ambitions? Who are your friends? What is your purpose? Make sure you don’t lose sight of these things while you’re in a relationship!

Or you’re going to find yourself single (and still be without a life) sooner or later!

10 Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Cause Breakups

Mistake #6 – Not Drawing Clear Boundaries

Do you know why some people would just start walking all over their partners or lovers?

Well…

Do you know why people lie, cheat, rob, and do other horrible things?

It's because they know they *can*. Bullies look for people they KNOW they can bully.
Robbers rob people who look like they are easy to rob. Many self-defense experts stress that if you can look into the eyes of a potential attacker without showing fear, they will often stop and run away.

Heck, many soldiers in third world countries are probably killing innocent people right now because they know they "can".

Sounds crazy? For years, psychologists have shown that people will often do “bad” things if they know they can get away with it. In many studies, innocent little children have stolen candy when they thought nobody was watching, and adults have taken money from a dropped wallet before taking it to a lost and found box because they figured the lost and found system would be anonymous anyway.

A more recent study has shown that having just a poster of a pair of eyes on the wall is enough to stop people from committing these naughty acts because they feel they are being watched. In other words, this has been hard-wired into our genetics – we behave ourselves when our brains think there are consequences…and misbehave when our brains think we can misbehave.

In a relationship, it is natural for a couple to test each other's boundaries to see what they can “get away” with.

Yes, even you. You just don’t notice it because it’s natural to you.
For example, women will often subconsciously do silly things to see what kind of reaction they get from a guy. That's part of courtship. If the guy doesn't give the
woman a wimpy response, her attraction will go up because she knows he has respect for himself.

Guys also do the same thing. At the beginning of the courtship, he will often keep pushing to see how far she will go sexually. If she is too easy, he’ll think she’s a slut.

As the relationship progresses, the man will try to dominate the woman with his manly ways, and the woman will try to control the man in a subtle, feminine manner.
So how do you deal with this? It’s simple. Draw clear boundaries about what you will and will not accept. Let it be known if your partner has crossed a line. If your partner crosses it again, then give an even bigger reaction and let your feelings be heard. Don’t just sit there and take it. And if you feel your partner has absolutely no respect for your boundaries at all, then it’s time to leave.
Ironically, this will actually help strengthen the relationship because your partner still stop taking you for granted!

10 Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Cause Breakups

Mistake #5 – Being Addicted To Emotional Highs and Lows

While it is true that you do not want to keep things too boring in a relationship, at the same time you want to make sure you and your partner are not chasing after what I call “emotional highs and lows”.

Here are a couple of questions for you:
Do you breakup and get back together often?

Do you often “cry together?”

Do you fight all the time and then have wild makeup sex?

Do you try to manipulate each other?

Do you both carry a lot of emotions in the relationship?

Is there a lot of drama in your relationship?

If you have answered “yes” to any of these questions, then I want you to think about the kind of long-term goals that you have for your relationship. For example, do you want to eventually settle down and raise a family?

Then think about if your partner DOES really share the same goals and vision. Be honest. If the person is not thinking about settling down right now, don’t think that they will change. Remember: you are not counting for the person to change. You’re looking for what’s available right now. Also, never mind what the person has said or promised.

It does not matter what a people say – only what they do. So if your partner keeps talking about settling down and raising a family when they’re not
working on their own problem, they’re all talk and no action. In other words, they don’t really fit into your future.

Finally, if you don’t share the same goals for a relationship, think about why you’re in the relationship in the first place. Examine your feelings and see if you’re getting any emotional payoffs. (Do you actually enjoy the drama even though you say you hate it? Do you like the attention? Do you think it’s what being in love is bout?)

If you are, then decide which is more important to you – your goals or your emotional payoffs.

If you enjoy the thrills of your relationship and that’s all you ever want in life, keep enjoying it. I have nothing against it.

Have fun. Maybe you’ll even end up as a guest on The Jerry Springer Show one day.

But if you goals that aren’t really congruent with the emotional payoffs you’re getting right now, then I suggest you do some thinking because you’ve got a decision to make.

At the end of the day, you have to decide which is more important to you – satisfying your emotional thrills, or building a future.

10 Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Cause Breakups

Mistake #4 – Settling Into A Routine Too Quickly

If you would like a relationship to last, then something you should always remember is to not settle into a routine too quickly.

A quick way to kill the excitement in your relationship and be well on your way to a breakup (or infidelity) is by settling into a boring routine by doing things such as:

- Always doing the same things for dates.
- Always going to the same restaurants.
- Always going to the same places.
- Always meeting on a certain day at a certain time…week after week.
- Always saying the same things to your partner.
- Always doing the same things to your partner.

Etc, etc, etc. You get the idea!

As tempting it may be to settle down and stay within your comfort zone so that you never have to take any risks with your partner, try to keep things exciting so that there are times when you don’t know what will happen on a date because you “have never been there” before. Try to keep things fresh and exciting and do something “new” at least once a month.

Your relationship may depend on it!

Here are some ideas:
1) Try to go to different places for dates.
2) Go to different restaurants and try different foods. Don’t order the same dish every time.
3) Don’t always meet on the same days of the week at the same time.
4) Be playful and continue to be a challenge.
5) Don’t take your partner for granted.
6) Be creative when you make out.
7) Have little surprises.

Keep things exciting, and you won’t be able to keep yourselves off each other. Keep things the same all the time, and eventually the chemistry will drop and the relationship will die.

10 Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Cause Breakups

Mistake #3 – Letting The Chemistry Die

A common myth I hear all the time is that passion and attraction always turn into commitment and friendship over time.

I strongly disagree.

After years of experience of working with couples around the world, I can tell you that in every relationship that lasts, there's always a certain amount of passion and attraction.

Even though the passion may not be as strong as when the couple first met, there will STILL be attraction and chemistry...

Without this chemistry, a relationship will quickly turn into nothing more but a "friendship”. When that happens, the passion will die, the relationship will become hollow, and both parties will be more tempted to look for "fun" outside the relationship.

Here's what I believe in: The couple that plays is the couple that stays.

It doesn't matter how long you've been together with a person, be it months, years, or decades. If you want a healthy relationship, you must NOT become lazy and let the romance die. You have to keep it going.

With that said, here are a few ways to romance your partner:
1) Have a candlelight dinner.
2) Go star or moon gazing.
3) Compliment your partner in front of other people.
4) Hug and your partner when they come home.
5) Give your partner a terrific massage.
6) Surprise your partner by doing their chores without asking. Use the free time to snuggle.
7) Have a picnic.
8) Flirt with your partner and be playful.

Spend time to have fun with your partner every week, no matter how busy or stressed you may be!

10 Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Cause Breakups

Mistake #2 – Trying To Change Your Partner

Some of the most common emails that I get every day are questions such as,

“Hi, my boyfriend still won’t marry me after 11 years. What should I do?”

Or…

“Hi, my girlfriend won’t stop flirting with other guys even though we’ve been together for 6 months. She says she’s just a natural flirt. How can I change her?”

Here’s my usual response: Don’t bother to.

You know the old says, “Take me as I am?”

It’s very true. In a relationship, you shouldn’t expect to change your partner much. Because chances are, you won’t be able to.

As I’ve mentioned many times in my various publications, the “character” or a person is something you cannot change easily. Trying to change your partner will only bring anger and resentment. Take your partner the way they are. If you can’t stand them without changing them, then you need to look for someone new!

Watch Out For Mistake #3

10 Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Cause Breakups

Mistake #1 – Pushing Your Partner

One of the quickest ways to kill attraction in a relationship is by pushing your partner.

This includes:
1) Showing much more affection towards your partner than he or she does towards you.
2) Trying to advance and take the relationship to the next level when your partner does not share the same vision.
3) Forcing or manipulating your partner to change.
4) Being “too” eager about the relationship.
5) Acting needy.
6) Acting jealous.
7) Trying to control or manipulate your partner into loving you.
8) Begging, crying, or throwing tantrums to make your partner stay with you or be nice to you.
9) Not giving your partner enough room in the relationship.
10) Trying to keep your partner by “proving” to them how much you care.

The more you push a person, the more you push them away.

If you have been pushing your partner too much in the past, then it’s time to stop and give the relationship some space.

Instead of pushing your partner away from you, try to PULL BACK and see they react.

If you pull back from a person while they still have a certain amount of attraction and "romantic respect" for you, they WILL freak out and give you more attention.

You can THEN work on your relationship problems.

Watch Out For Mistake #2

8 Don't Of A Successful Relationship

Nobody's perfect, but it seems there are some mistakes that have more dire consequences on your love relationship than others. Have you made any of these blunders?

1. Don't Try To Change Your Partner 

"If they love me enough, they'll change to please me." Do not try to change your partner or force him/her to change, It's will only take some time.

Do say that "If he/she loves me, he/she will change that small thing to please me." What you must know is that to your partner that "small thing" isn't small at all. Even when they try to change in order to please you, most times they do it with resentment "You do not love me for myself, but for the person you want me to be," They say. Yes, that is true You partner feel you do not really love when you try to change him/her.You are just after your selfish purpose to change them to fill your own needs.

2. Don't Feel like A Failure In Relationship 

Never you start to feel as though you are not been loved, that life is against you or that you will always fail in love or your relationship. The truth is that you are never a failure It is just that you have not learn the strategies and techniques about enjoying, managing or keeping your relationship.

By the time you learn and practice these new strategies and techniques, you will be able to handle and take control of your love relationship in the best way possible.

3. Don't Believe You Have To Be "Good Enough" To Keep Your Love Relationship
 
Many people have come to believe that they have to turn into a pretzel to keep someone's love or their relationship. Not too long a woman came to me and said, " I finally found a wonderful man but the relationship is miserable. "Everyday I worry that he will find out who I really am and leave." This woman was daily expecting rejection, and she actually did things to bring about it. Soon she began to sabotage the relationship, finding all kind of fault with the man Although she fail to realize it, she did this tings to feel better about herself. The truth you must understand is that you cannot earn another person's love. The more you try to do this the worse you feel. You must understand that you are created to be loved. You must learn to be the friend of yourself.

4. Don't Reject Your Partner So They Can't Do It First
 
A lot of people reject their partners as protection against being rejected by themselves.The idea here is that such people feel they do not deserve a relationship, they feel they can't hold onto a partner because they have not accepted who they are.

5. Don't Believe Your Partner Should Read Your Mind, And Know What You Want Without Your "Communicating" Clearly
 
"If my partner loved me, he/she will know what I needed and give it to me." Never you believe this, your partner is not a soothsayer that will always know what is on your mind. Even soothsayer do not know everything on ones mind at times. It would then not be necessary to have to actually ask what you wanted. This is one of the grave mistake so many people make in their relationship. A relationship cannot flourish where there is no truth, openness or lack of communication. Effective communication, however, can be a skill. And though you may feel that you have repeated yourself a thousand times, that you have communicated. There are ways of communication in and of themselves, can save your relationship. Not only should you know what you want, and ask for it clearly (without producing any guilt) -- you must also be able to accept both yes and no.

6. Don't Believe It's Your Partner's Job To Make You Happy
 
If your partner at any time said no, it does not mean that your partner does not love you. They are some demands that may be impossible to fulfill. It is not your partner's job to always make you happy. Your partner should be there to grow and share with you. You must learn to make yourself happy, and make others happy as well. Love is based on communicating, consideration and giving. However, you must be happy with yourself, before another person can make you happy.

7. Don't Believe It Is Hard To Get Your Partner To Talk
 
When it is time for intimate conversation the man clam up, offer a few grunts, expecting the woman to magically understand what's going on. The woman feel shut out and the man feel misunderstood. However, you do not realize something as a woman. The man want to talk. Under a conducive conditions, he will talk all night long. Men desperately want to express their feelings to others and tell them what is going on. However, what many do not realize is, men are more fragile than women. If you want them to talk, things have to be right. All that is needed here is to learn how to create a conducive environment, that is what is necessary for a man to feel safe enough to talk.

8. Don't Be Addicted To Fighting
 
When they see their partner upset, it reassures them that they care. Others have seen their parents fighting and this is the only role model they have. Some are addicted to the "high" they get out of fighting. Some crave the feeling of domination, respect or control. Domination is not love. If it hurts, then it is abuse, no longer love.