Monday, 22 March 2010
10 Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Cause Breakups
Mistake #6 – Not Drawing Clear Boundaries
Do you know why some people would just start walking all over their partners or lovers?
Well…
Do you know why people lie, cheat, rob, and do other horrible things?
It's because they know they *can*. Bullies look for people they KNOW they can bully.
Robbers rob people who look like they are easy to rob. Many self-defense experts stress that if you can look into the eyes of a potential attacker without showing fear, they will often stop and run away.
Heck, many soldiers in third world countries are probably killing innocent people right now because they know they "can".
Sounds crazy? For years, psychologists have shown that people will often do “bad” things if they know they can get away with it. In many studies, innocent little children have stolen candy when they thought nobody was watching, and adults have taken money from a dropped wallet before taking it to a lost and found box because they figured the lost and found system would be anonymous anyway.
A more recent study has shown that having just a poster of a pair of eyes on the wall is enough to stop people from committing these naughty acts because they feel they are being watched. In other words, this has been hard-wired into our genetics – we behave ourselves when our brains think there are consequences…and misbehave when our brains think we can misbehave.
In a relationship, it is natural for a couple to test each other's boundaries to see what they can “get away” with.
Yes, even you. You just don’t notice it because it’s natural to you.
For example, women will often subconsciously do silly things to see what kind of reaction they get from a guy. That's part of courtship. If the guy doesn't give the
woman a wimpy response, her attraction will go up because she knows he has respect for himself.
Guys also do the same thing. At the beginning of the courtship, he will often keep pushing to see how far she will go sexually. If she is too easy, he’ll think she’s a slut.
As the relationship progresses, the man will try to dominate the woman with his manly ways, and the woman will try to control the man in a subtle, feminine manner.
So how do you deal with this? It’s simple. Draw clear boundaries about what you will and will not accept. Let it be known if your partner has crossed a line. If your partner crosses it again, then give an even bigger reaction and let your feelings be heard. Don’t just sit there and take it. And if you feel your partner has absolutely no respect for your boundaries at all, then it’s time to leave.
Ironically, this will actually help strengthen the relationship because your partner still stop taking you for granted!
Do you know why some people would just start walking all over their partners or lovers?
Well…
Do you know why people lie, cheat, rob, and do other horrible things?
It's because they know they *can*. Bullies look for people they KNOW they can bully.
Robbers rob people who look like they are easy to rob. Many self-defense experts stress that if you can look into the eyes of a potential attacker without showing fear, they will often stop and run away.
Heck, many soldiers in third world countries are probably killing innocent people right now because they know they "can".
Sounds crazy? For years, psychologists have shown that people will often do “bad” things if they know they can get away with it. In many studies, innocent little children have stolen candy when they thought nobody was watching, and adults have taken money from a dropped wallet before taking it to a lost and found box because they figured the lost and found system would be anonymous anyway.
A more recent study has shown that having just a poster of a pair of eyes on the wall is enough to stop people from committing these naughty acts because they feel they are being watched. In other words, this has been hard-wired into our genetics – we behave ourselves when our brains think there are consequences…and misbehave when our brains think we can misbehave.
In a relationship, it is natural for a couple to test each other's boundaries to see what they can “get away” with.
Yes, even you. You just don’t notice it because it’s natural to you.
For example, women will often subconsciously do silly things to see what kind of reaction they get from a guy. That's part of courtship. If the guy doesn't give the
woman a wimpy response, her attraction will go up because she knows he has respect for himself.
Guys also do the same thing. At the beginning of the courtship, he will often keep pushing to see how far she will go sexually. If she is too easy, he’ll think she’s a slut.
As the relationship progresses, the man will try to dominate the woman with his manly ways, and the woman will try to control the man in a subtle, feminine manner.
So how do you deal with this? It’s simple. Draw clear boundaries about what you will and will not accept. Let it be known if your partner has crossed a line. If your partner crosses it again, then give an even bigger reaction and let your feelings be heard. Don’t just sit there and take it. And if you feel your partner has absolutely no respect for your boundaries at all, then it’s time to leave.
Ironically, this will actually help strengthen the relationship because your partner still stop taking you for granted!
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