Monday 22 March 2010
10 Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Cause Breakups
Mistake #5 – Being Addicted To Emotional Highs and Lows
While it is true that you do not want to keep things too boring in a relationship, at the same time you want to make sure you and your partner are not chasing after what I call “emotional highs and lows”.
Here are a couple of questions for you:
Do you breakup and get back together often?
Do you often “cry together?”
Do you fight all the time and then have wild makeup sex?
Do you try to manipulate each other?
Do you both carry a lot of emotions in the relationship?
Is there a lot of drama in your relationship?
If you have answered “yes” to any of these questions, then I want you to think about the kind of long-term goals that you have for your relationship. For example, do you want to eventually settle down and raise a family?
Then think about if your partner DOES really share the same goals and vision. Be honest. If the person is not thinking about settling down right now, don’t think that they will change. Remember: you are not counting for the person to change. You’re looking for what’s available right now. Also, never mind what the person has said or promised.
It does not matter what a people say – only what they do. So if your partner keeps talking about settling down and raising a family when they’re not
working on their own problem, they’re all talk and no action. In other words, they don’t really fit into your future.
Finally, if you don’t share the same goals for a relationship, think about why you’re in the relationship in the first place. Examine your feelings and see if you’re getting any emotional payoffs. (Do you actually enjoy the drama even though you say you hate it? Do you like the attention? Do you think it’s what being in love is bout?)
If you are, then decide which is more important to you – your goals or your emotional payoffs.
If you enjoy the thrills of your relationship and that’s all you ever want in life, keep enjoying it. I have nothing against it.
Have fun. Maybe you’ll even end up as a guest on The Jerry Springer Show one day.
But if you goals that aren’t really congruent with the emotional payoffs you’re getting right now, then I suggest you do some thinking because you’ve got a decision to make.
At the end of the day, you have to decide which is more important to you – satisfying your emotional thrills, or building a future.
While it is true that you do not want to keep things too boring in a relationship, at the same time you want to make sure you and your partner are not chasing after what I call “emotional highs and lows”.
Here are a couple of questions for you:
Do you breakup and get back together often?
Do you often “cry together?”
Do you fight all the time and then have wild makeup sex?
Do you try to manipulate each other?
Do you both carry a lot of emotions in the relationship?
Is there a lot of drama in your relationship?
If you have answered “yes” to any of these questions, then I want you to think about the kind of long-term goals that you have for your relationship. For example, do you want to eventually settle down and raise a family?
Then think about if your partner DOES really share the same goals and vision. Be honest. If the person is not thinking about settling down right now, don’t think that they will change. Remember: you are not counting for the person to change. You’re looking for what’s available right now. Also, never mind what the person has said or promised.
It does not matter what a people say – only what they do. So if your partner keeps talking about settling down and raising a family when they’re not
working on their own problem, they’re all talk and no action. In other words, they don’t really fit into your future.
Finally, if you don’t share the same goals for a relationship, think about why you’re in the relationship in the first place. Examine your feelings and see if you’re getting any emotional payoffs. (Do you actually enjoy the drama even though you say you hate it? Do you like the attention? Do you think it’s what being in love is bout?)
If you are, then decide which is more important to you – your goals or your emotional payoffs.
If you enjoy the thrills of your relationship and that’s all you ever want in life, keep enjoying it. I have nothing against it.
Have fun. Maybe you’ll even end up as a guest on The Jerry Springer Show one day.
But if you goals that aren’t really congruent with the emotional payoffs you’re getting right now, then I suggest you do some thinking because you’ve got a decision to make.
At the end of the day, you have to decide which is more important to you – satisfying your emotional thrills, or building a future.
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