Getting Ready For The Right Relationship

2011-02-28T02:10:00.001-08:00

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How to Rate your Dinner Date

2010-06-12T04:49:00.000-07:00

Attitude
In this type of setting, you have a window to peer through as this person orders their food. Is he or she kind to the wait staff? Does he ask you what you would like or does he tell the waiter what to bring without consulting you? Does he start eating his food before you are served? If someone has been raised with a role model of good manners, he may automatically appear to do all the right things. But if you listen carefully, you may hear the overtones of anything from caring to condescension. These are important qualities to identify if you’re thinking of spending more time with this person.

Focus
What is your date focused on? Is it the wine, the decor, or the people in the restaurant? Is she obsessed with how she looks, how other people look, or how you look? When you talk, does she listen and ask questions

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What To Do - Before a First Date

2010-06-11T20:49:00.000-07:00

A semi-detached frame of mind
What is semi-detached? You want to be available for conversation, but you are unattached to the outcome. It helps if you view your first date with a simple sense of adventure. This is your single life and you’re going to enjoy it, so let go of all projections, fears, and doubts. Maybe you’re about to meet a new romantic partner; maybe the person will be a new friend; and maybe this person won’t be a match for either of those identities, but relax and let it be what it will be. At the very least, this person is giving you his or her time, so sit back and allow yourself to learn something new from this encounter.

A stash of cash
Always take enough money with you to pay your own way. Even if the person invited you and the assumption is that he (or she) is paying, you want to be free of any sense of obligation or dependency. You don’t know this person yet; you don’t know what to expect; you don’t want to feel embarrassed if your date wants you to pay for half of the costs

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Straight from the Heart

2010-06-11T04:49:00.000-07:00

The significance of your values.
If you believe in trust, honor, and fidelity, and if you accept his proposal, you will be going against those values. When you don’t honor the guiding principles in your life, you experience depression, as well as anxiety, fear, and doubt. Any time we don’t adhere to our deeply held personal morals, we pay a price. And it’s high.

He’s still married.
If his marriage is in jeopardy, this is something he has to work through with his wife. Your presence only confuses the issue. His breakup will be very costly to you emotionally if you stick around to be a part of it. As he talks through the many aspects of his feelings about his wife in terms of what they once had, his anger or hurt, and his emotions centering on his former family, you will find that these words may haunt you for the rest of your life. Draw a boundary and think twice about jumping in the middle of something that is his to handle. Further down the road, you’ll both be glad you did this.

The focus of what your time together will be about.
It’s one thing to be absorbed in business events and sharing mutual ideas; it’s quite another to be in a personal relationship. Falling in love needs to be a time for two people to discover each other. It will be difficult if not impossible for you two to see each other through the fog of guilt and family problems that are weighing on him. What will his extended family think of you? Will they be welcoming? What will your family think of him knowing he is still married? Guaranteed there will be questions about his breakup. These reactions, opinions, and judgments will put a strain on your feelings and time together.

Answering the following questions:
Is your current life where you want it to be? Do you have friends, financial security, and a social life without him? Honoring your present and future should be your primary concern.
During the time it takes for him to separate and finalize his divorce, what will your life be like? Can you be honest with your friends and family? Can you go out socially? How often will you be the sounding board for his pain; or his therapist for his growth and insight? Is this the job you really want? Is this the foundation you want to build a relationship on?

I am not saying it is impossible for this relationship to have a future. I am saying this is not the time to try and build it. My advice is that you get fully engaged and invested in your life, doing fun outings with great friends or getting absorbed in your passionate interests. The worst thing to do would be to stop socializing with others, sitting at home obsessing about him.

The best chance you have for this romance to survive and grow is to back away and watch from a distance

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It's a Jungle Out There

2010-06-10T04:49:00.000-07:00

TrapPeople who believe there aren’t any good ones left to date get caught in this one all the time and settle for someone they don’t truly love. There are plenty of good ones out there and you can find the one for you.
The Compatibility TrapMany people buy the theory that if you have everything in common and like all of the same things, you are assured of relationship success. Though it is nice to have some activities to share, the real determinant of lasting love is great chemistry combined with a similar vision for your life, mutual solid values, and a willingness to work things out.

The Rescue TrapThis is a dangerous trap that lonely desperate people fall into. Believing that someone will come along and save you from despair, fear, or your life going nowhere will prove to be a disappointing arrangement. No one can save you

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Top 5 Valentine's Day faux pas to avoid

2010-06-09T20:49:00.000-07:00

We women understand that just the thought of February 14 has the power to inspire pure panic in most men. We get it -- Valentine's Day is the one 24-hour period when the likelihood of a potential misstep that negates all the work you've put in trying to think up "sensitive" questions to ask us and pretend you're not a mouth breather increases exponentially.

While we appreciate that expectations run high around this time every year, believe us when we say that guys make it harder than it has to be. High-maintenance ladies aside (because, frankly, it's your fault if you're with a girl who will accept nothing less than a gourmet meal made from scratch and a marriage proposal), most of us will be happy if you can just manage to not to break these 5 very simple rules of thumb.

Make plans -- "I couldn't get a table" isn't going to cut it on V-Day, fellas. Set an Outlook reminder, have a buddy call you or staple a sticky note to your head, but no matter what you do, you better think up something fun and take steps ahead of time to make it happen.Put forth some effort -- No one says you need to show up at the door with diamonds, but don't come empty-handed. Almost any flowers will do. Ditto chocolates, jewelry or even a thoughtful card if you're hurtin' for cash. Just don't let it be a present for you disguised as a present for her. (We always know.)Pick up the check -- It may be old school, but on Valentine's Day, you pay. End of story. And don't brag about your chivalry (hint: that makes it less than chivalrous) or whine about the price. Making her feel guilty for ordering dessert is not sexy.Dress up -- Whatever that means for you. If you normally show up for dates in your thrifting t-shirt and "holy" jeans, finding a pair that doesn't show off your crack and adding a button-down will probably floor her. Taking a little extra care with your grooming ritual tells your lady this night is special.Don't forget -- Call it harsh, but this is grounds for immediate dismissal. Mainly because it proves you're an idiot who doesn't have a calendar and doesn't care about his effect on other people, including the allegedly memorable girl in your life. Flat out forgetting is poor form, and we know your mama raised you better.

There are definitely a few other big no-nos that didn't make the short list -- like not giving her your full attention and getting caught with V-Day gifts for your ex -- but we wanted to keep it simple. Follow these 5 steps and you're guaranteed to have a fairly smooth Valentine's Day 2010.

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Tiger Woods is a playa'

2010-06-09T12:49:00.000-07:00

We've all heard a lot about Tiger Woods' "transgressions" since the now-infamous accident and hospital visit around Thanksgiving. He recently announced his comeback to the tour, but in between, he was "rehabilitated" in a sex addiction clinic. I can't help but put my two cents in.

First off, if there is such a thing as sex addiction, Tiger and his dozen or so floozies do not define it. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have "had relations" with over 10,000 women. Now, I'm not sure how that's even physically possible, but the man did amazing things on the court, so maybe he replicated those feats in other places. If sex addiction is real, his face is the one that should be on the poster. Linking Tiger and his admittedly sad situation to sex addiction because of a handful of infractions is like claiming he's an alcoholic because he had a second beer while Wilt went for a swim in Budweiser's 100,000 gallon tank. They're not even in the same league.

In fact, the very idea of sex addiction to me is laughable. You say "sex addiction", I say "being a guy". Potato, potaaato; tomato, tomaaato. Tiger only did what his male animal instincts told him to. (Ironic that he's nicknamed after one of the sluttiest animals.) Playing the field (or the whole stadium, in his case) is what guys are programmed to do. It's just that most of us aren't professional athletes and celebrities with hundreds of millions of dollars, so we don't have to worry about ladies throwing themselves at us (at least those of us who would actually go in for that sort of thing). Somehow, millions make a man more attractive, regardless of his actual appearance.

Fortunately, I have neither the green nor the looks of a Greek god (the admitting of which somehow makes me more attractive … You women from Venus should stop by Mars sometime … It's a cool place … Things actually make sense in Man Land), so it's easy to say I've been faithful "because I'm such a great guy." Maybe that's part of it, but it's also a heck of a lot easier when you don't have supermodels falling down around you like a Nor'easter in rainy season.

The only thing Tiger is guilty of is being married. If he was going to drop his pants like they were eight sizes too big and drenched in concrete, he shouldn't have ever said his vows. It leaves his wife and kids in a terrible spot, and him in a clinic, trying to figure out how to say with a straight face: "I'm Tiger, and I'm addicted to sex."

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2010-06-09T08:26:00.001-07:00

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Online dating rules to live by: Its never personal

2010-06-09T04:49:00.001-07:00

How to survive digital rejection with your dignity intact
That headline seems ridiculous, right? I mean, what is dating if not extremely, completely, horrendously, desperately personal? How can you go about searching for the one person that makes your heart feel whole without getting at least a little bit personal?

It seems weird, but when it comes to looking for love online, you need to remember that it's not about you -- at least not for awhile. Most of us who've dipped even a toe into the tepid waters of online dating have felt at certain times that maybe we're just not made for computer-based romance. We're not photogenic enough or we just can't write; our icebreakers keep getting rejected and our winks are never returned.

If you happen to be one of the thousands who isn't having success on the dating sites, you should definitely consider tweaking your profile and having a friend take some pictures that show off your good side. But once you've done that, you need to keep in mind that your digital dry spell is probably temporary. Anyone who's tried out one of the many dating sites knows that luck tends to ebb and flow like the member pool. But most importantly, when someone flakes out on you or makes it clear that they don't share your feelings of attraction, you need to not take it personally.

The truth is, you can't possibly know why that girl isn't interested. Maybe you she hates dogs and you have a boxer. Maybe she's intimidated by your intellectual prowess and professional success. Or maybe she just met someone and wants to see where it goes. No matter what, it ultimately has very little to do with you. And while we're all tempted to decide that it's our massive forehead and clown-like ears, the more likely scenario is that she had something else going on ... or she just wasn't your type anyway.

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2010-06-07T07:51:00.001-07:00

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Dating Guide Review

2010-06-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

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Rule #2 - Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way

2010-04-27T06:38:00.001-07:00

Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.

I partly agree with this rule. In real life, sitting in the corner won’t draw attention to you. In fact, women are just going to ignore you since there’re so many other guys and things that are interesting to them in the room. You can’t just sit there and expect women to come hit on you. You have to go socialize with them yourself.

Smart Dating Rule: Approach women. Don’t expect them to approach you.

35 Smart Dating Rules Revealed

2010-04-27T06:34:00.000-07:00

Rule #1 - Never let a girl get between you and a fellow Crasher.

I think we can change the words from “fellow Crasher” to “friend.” As I always say, “women come, women go, but best friends are for life.” You should never let a woman come between you and a buddy. Of course, it works both ways. Just like you should never hit on your friends’ girls, your friends should also understand that your girlfriend or crush is yours. If they constantly try to hit on your crush instead of helping you get her, then you really need better friends.

Smart Dating Rule: Women come, women go, but best friends are for life.

Mistake #10 – Not Compromising

2010-04-13T06:31:00.000-07:00

As a couple, you should be flexible and compromise for each other. In order for the relationship to remain healthy and strong, you must both learn to compromise from time to time.

If you aren’t willing to be flexible, it means you are either not mature enough to be in a serious relationship (flaw in your character) or you just don’t like the person enough to compromise. The same goes for your partner.

Here are two ways to compromise:

1) Find the middle ground. Take the “average” between your differences and meet each other half way.
2) Alternate. You compromise this time, your partner compromises next time.
If you do choose the second way, remember that it should be “balanced” over time.

Even if one side is pushier than the other, both parties should make just about the same amount of compromises over time. If one party constantly gives in, there will be a power imbalance, which will lead to a loss of romantic respect and eventually a loss of attraction.

Mistake #9 – Acting Jealous

2010-04-13T06:26:00.000-07:00

Jealousy IS the green-horned devil when it comes to relationships.

If you’re the jealous type, then you really need to learn to control your jealousy. Or one day you will push your partner over the edge.

Here are a few tips on how to deal with your jealousy:

1) Understand that jealousy is a form of insecurity. Admit that the problem may be on your end, but not on your partner’s end.
2) Communicate with your partner without accusing them: “It made me uncomfortable to see you with that woman” instead of "why did you talk to that woman?"
3) Write it down in a journal whenever you feel jealous. Then go back to it a few days later and see if the outcome was as bad as you thought it would be.
4) Challenge your jealous thoughts. For example, say to yourself, “Yes, he did talk to my girlfriend, but I have no evidence that he wants to steal her. This is my insecurity trying to take control and it won’t help my relationship.” Focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening
5) Set clear rules and boundaries. For example, she can go out for lunch with guys, but she has to pay for herself.

If your partner is the one who’s jealous…then you should think about how bad the problem is.

If your partner a normal person who gets jealous every once in awhile, then you don't have too much to worry about. In fact, it's good to see your partner a bit jealous every now and then.

When it happens, you can just "defuse" their jealousy by teasing them playfully. For example, if your girlfriend calls a woman a bitch after the woman talks to you at a party, just say something like, "Nah. She's not a bitch. She just has good taste. And so do you." Then give her a kiss.

Problem solved.

But if your partner has a "chronic" jealousy problem, then you're in trouble.

Don’t forget that a person's jealousy usually comes from insecurity. This is why EVERYONE gets jealous every once in awhile...because nobody is perfect and we all do have our own insecurities.

So if your partner is VERY jealous ALL THE TIME, it's a sign they are very insecure...

And guess what?

Insecurity means low self-esteem, and low self-esteem means BAD CHARACTER.

If you're a student of the Smart Dating Course, then you should know what bad character means...

FIND ANOTHER PERSON!

I have said this a thousand times and I will say it again:

Remember that you cannot change a person's character.

“Take me as I am” is my motto when it comes to relationship. If you try to play therapist, it’s going to kill the relationship.

The other alternative, of course, is to learn to "tolerate" their jealousy. But let me warn you now: as time goes on, it will get harder and harder, and you'll probably be in for a very rough ride.

You have been warned!

Mistake #8 – Cheating On Your Partner…Or Letting Your Partner Cheat On You

2010-03-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

Infidelity is a very common reason for breakups.

Once you’ve committed to a relationship, you should think twice before you have an affair with that cutie-pie at work.

If you feel tempted to cheat, then remind yourself that you’ve already in a relationship. And if you still feel like you “must” go after the new guy or girl, then ask yourself WHY you are still in a relationship with your current partner in the first place. (Maybe you should breakup with your partner!)

And if your partner is the one who cheated, then you should follow my two-strike rule.

In my experience as a dating coach, there are some rare occasions when a person does “repent”, reform, and never cheat again.

But unfortunately, most of the time, it will happen again, again, and again!

It’s sad, but true.

Remember what causes in the first place according to the Smart Dating Course: Low attraction and a lack of character.

Everybody is prone to cheating given the right amount of temptation. It’s just that some men and women have a higher “threshold for cheating” than others due to their good character.

For example, for some men, it may take just a “slut” at a party to get him to have a quickie in the bathroom behind his girlfriend’s back. With other men, it may take a supermodel on a faraway island. And of course, there are some guys who will never, never cheat. Ever.

Similarly, some women may never cheat, while with some other women it may take only a couple of drinks before they are ready to drop their pants for the first guy who hits on them.

It all depends on your partner’s character and how much they care about you.
And this is why a person who has cheated once before will often cheat again.
If you want to forgive your partner for cheating, then MAKE SURE you follow my two-strike rule.

If your partner cheats on you once, you can forgive them once.

But if they EVER cheat on you again…then it’s time to cut them lose. Just remember: you have already made a mistake the FIRST time by taking them back and letting them cheat on you again…

Making a mistake once is acceptable.

Making a mistake twice is also acceptable…

Consider it as a good lesson…

But making a mistake three times…

IT’S NOT ACCEPTABLE AT ALL!

Mistake #7 - Not Having a Life Outside Your Relationship

2010-03-29T07:15:00.000-07:00

If you don’t have much of a life outside your relationship, I have some bad news for you:

I can guarantee that sooner or later you will not have a relationship either.

A healthy relationship requires space. Without individual lives, it won’t have enough space to grow.

If your partner has a life and you don’t, eventually your partner will leave you for someone who does have a life.

If you have a life and your partner doesn’t, eventually you will feel resentment because your partner will be constantly trying to get you to stay in the house too.

If neither of you have a life, then you’ll both be stuck in the house with each other. Tension will raise and eventually you’ll fight over everything and anything.

It may seem fun at the beginning because you’re getting an emotional payoff. But eventually it will kill the relationship.

I have seen it happen…many times.

So…

What are your dreams? What are your ambitions? Who are your friends? What is your purpose? Make sure you don’t lose sight of these things while you’re in a relationship!

Or you’re going to find yourself single (and still be without a life) sooner or later!

10 Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Cause Breakups

2010-03-22T05:38:00.000-07:00

Mistake #6 – Not Drawing Clear Boundaries

Do you know why some people would just start walking all over their partners or lovers?

Well…

Do you know why people lie, cheat, rob, and do other horrible things?

It's because they know they *can*. Bullies look for people they KNOW they can bully.
Robbers rob people who look like they are easy to rob. Many self-defense experts stress that if you can look into the eyes of a potential attacker without showing fear, they will often stop and run away.

Heck, many soldiers in third world countries are probably killing innocent people right now because they know they "can".

Sounds crazy? For years, psychologists have shown that people will often do “bad” things if they know they can get away with it. In many studies, innocent little children have stolen candy when they thought nobody was watching, and adults have taken money from a dropped wallet before taking it to a lost and found box because they figured the lost and found system would be anonymous anyway.

A more recent study has shown that having just a poster of a pair of eyes on the wall is enough to stop people from committing these naughty acts because they feel they are being watched. In other words, this has been hard-wired into our genetics – we behave ourselves when our brains think there are consequences…and misbehave when our brains think we can misbehave.

In a relationship, it is natural for a couple to test each other's boundaries to see what they can “get away” with.

Yes, even you. You just don’t notice it because it’s natural to you.
For example, women will often subconsciously do silly things to see what kind of reaction they get from a guy. That's part of courtship. If the guy doesn't give the
woman a wimpy response, her attraction will go up because she knows he has respect for himself.

Guys also do the same thing. At the beginning of the courtship, he will often keep pushing to see how far she will go sexually. If she is too easy, he’ll think she’s a slut.

As the relationship progresses, the man will try to dominate the woman with his manly ways, and the woman will try to control the man in a subtle, feminine manner.
So how do you deal with this? It’s simple. Draw clear boundaries about what you will and will not accept. Let it be known if your partner has crossed a line. If your partner crosses it again, then give an even bigger reaction and let your feelings be heard. Don’t just sit there and take it. And if you feel your partner has absolutely no respect for your boundaries at all, then it’s time to leave.
Ironically, this will actually help strengthen the relationship because your partner still stop taking you for granted!

10 Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Cause Breakups

2010-03-22T05:34:00.000-07:00

Mistake #5 – Being Addicted To Emotional Highs and Lows

While it is true that you do not want to keep things too boring in a relationship, at the same time you want to make sure you and your partner are not chasing after what I call “emotional highs and lows”.

Here are a couple of questions for you:
Do you breakup and get back together often?

Do you often “cry together?”

Do you fight all the time and then have wild makeup sex?

Do you try to manipulate each other?

Do you both carry a lot of emotions in the relationship?

Is there a lot of drama in your relationship?

If you have answered “yes” to any of these questions, then I want you to think about the kind of long-term goals that you have for your relationship. For example, do you want to eventually settle down and raise a family?

Then think about if your partner DOES really share the same goals and vision. Be honest. If the person is not thinking about settling down right now, don’t think that they will change. Remember: you are not counting for the person to change. You’re looking for what’s available right now. Also, never mind what the person has said or promised.

It does not matter what a people say – only what they do. So if your partner keeps talking about settling down and raising a family when they’re not
working on their own problem, they’re all talk and no action. In other words, they don’t really fit into your future.

Finally, if you don’t share the same goals for a relationship, think about why you’re in the relationship in the first place. Examine your feelings and see if you’re getting any emotional payoffs. (Do you actually enjoy the drama even though you say you hate it? Do you like the attention? Do you think it’s what being in love is bout?)

If you are, then decide which is more important to you – your goals or your emotional payoffs.

If you enjoy the thrills of your relationship and that’s all you ever want in life, keep enjoying it. I have nothing against it.

Have fun. Maybe you’ll even end up as a guest on The Jerry Springer Show one day.

But if you goals that aren’t really congruent with the emotional payoffs you’re getting right now, then I suggest you do some thinking because you’ve got a decision to make.

At the end of the day, you have to decide which is more important to you – satisfying your emotional thrills, or building a future.

10 Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Cause Breakups

2010-03-18T05:30:00.000-07:00

Mistake #4 – Settling Into A Routine Too Quickly

If you would like a relationship to last, then something you should always remember is to not settle into a routine too quickly.

A quick way to kill the excitement in your relationship and be well on your way to a breakup (or infidelity) is by settling into a boring routine by doing things such as:

- Always doing the same things for dates.
- Always going to the same restaurants.
- Always going to the same places.
- Always meeting on a certain day at a certain time…week after week.
- Always saying the same things to your partner.
- Always doing the same things to your partner.

Etc, etc, etc. You get the idea!

As tempting it may be to settle down and stay within your comfort zone so that you never have to take any risks with your partner, try to keep things exciting so that there are times when you don’t know what will happen on a date because you “have never been there” before. Try to keep things fresh and exciting and do something “new” at least once a month.

Your relationship may depend on it!

Here are some ideas:
1) Try to go to different places for dates.
2) Go to different restaurants and try different foods. Don’t order the same dish every time.
3) Don’t always meet on the same days of the week at the same time.
4) Be playful and continue to be a challenge.
5) Don’t take your partner for granted.
6) Be creative when you make out.
7) Have little surprises.

Keep things exciting, and you won’t be able to keep yourselves off each other. Keep things the same all the time, and eventually the chemistry will drop and the relationship will die.

10 Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Cause Breakups

2010-03-18T05:26:00.001-07:00

Mistake #3 – Letting The Chemistry Die

A common myth I hear all the time is that passion and attraction always turn into commitment and friendship over time.

I strongly disagree.

After years of experience of working with couples around the world, I can tell you that in every relationship that lasts, there's always a certain amount of passion and attraction.

Even though the passion may not be as strong as when the couple first met, there will STILL be attraction and chemistry...

Without this chemistry, a relationship will quickly turn into nothing more but a "friendship”. When that happens, the passion will die, the relationship will become hollow, and both parties will be more tempted to look for "fun" outside the relationship.

Here's what I believe in: The couple that plays is the couple that stays.

It doesn't matter how long you've been together with a person, be it months, years, or decades. If you want a healthy relationship, you must NOT become lazy and let the romance die. You have to keep it going.

With that said, here are a few ways to romance your partner:
1) Have a candlelight dinner.
2) Go star or moon gazing.
3) Compliment your partner in front of other people.
4) Hug and your partner when they come home.
5) Give your partner a terrific massage.
6) Surprise your partner by doing their chores without asking. Use the free time to snuggle.
7) Have a picnic.
8) Flirt with your partner and be playful.

Spend time to have fun with your partner every week, no matter how busy or stressed you may be!

10 Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Cause Breakups

2010-03-15T06:31:00.000-07:00

Mistake #2 – Trying To Change Your Partner

Some of the most common emails that I get every day are questions such as,

“Hi, my boyfriend still won’t marry me after 11 years. What should I do?”

Or…

“Hi, my girlfriend won’t stop flirting with other guys even though we’ve been together for 6 months. She says she’s just a natural flirt. How can I change her?”

Here’s my usual response: Don’t bother to.

You know the old says, “Take me as I am?”

It’s very true. In a relationship, you shouldn’t expect to change your partner much. Because chances are, you won’t be able to.

As I’ve mentioned many times in my various publications, the “character” or a person is something you cannot change easily. Trying to change your partner will only bring anger and resentment. Take your partner the way they are. If you can’t stand them without changing them, then you need to look for someone new!

Watch Out For Mistake #3

10 Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Cause Breakups

2010-03-15T06:29:00.000-07:00

Mistake #1 – Pushing Your Partner

One of the quickest ways to kill attraction in a relationship is by pushing your partner.

This includes:
1) Showing much more affection towards your partner than he or she does towards you.
2) Trying to advance and take the relationship to the next level when your partner does not share the same vision.
3) Forcing or manipulating your partner to change.
4) Being “too” eager about the relationship.
5) Acting needy.
6) Acting jealous.
7) Trying to control or manipulate your partner into loving you.
8) Begging, crying, or throwing tantrums to make your partner stay with you or be nice to you.
9) Not giving your partner enough room in the relationship.
10) Trying to keep your partner by “proving” to them how much you care.

The more you push a person, the more you push them away.

If you have been pushing your partner too much in the past, then it’s time to stop and give the relationship some space.

Instead of pushing your partner away from you, try to PULL BACK and see they react.

If you pull back from a person while they still have a certain amount of attraction and "romantic respect" for you, they WILL freak out and give you more attention.

You can THEN work on your relationship problems.

Watch Out For Mistake #2

What If A Partner Leaves You During Rough Times

2010-03-09T04:51:00.000-08:00

What should you do if a partner leaves you during rough times, such as after you've been fired from your job or hurt in a car accident?

If that happens, you should ask yourself the following question:

Did he/she leave you because of your actions, or did he/she leave you because of your situation?

This is a VERY important question!

If he/she has left you because of the "mistakes" you've made in the relationship such as being too needy or continuing to "push" him/her when it was clear that he/she needed space, then simply use my "Reverse Your Breakup" program to get her back.

But if he/she had broken up with you because of your situation (examples: He/She does not want to be with a girl/guy in a wheelchair or a girl/guy with no money), then you should be GLAD that he/she's gone. He/She's really not worth your while. (If you don't believe that, drop me an email and I'll take a look at your case.)

But either way, you should learn more about women and dating before you do anything else!

The Truth About PMS

2010-03-09T04:44:00.000-08:00

A "problem" that I hear from my readers all the time is that they get mistreated by their girlfriends whenever their girlfriends are on their periods.

Personally, I think this is quite amusing, as to me it's quite clear that these women are just using "PMS" as an excuse for their bad behavior.

Whenever I get an email about the "PMS Syndrome", I always ask the reader the following question:

"Does your girlfriend only act bitchy once a month, or does she act bitchy at other times too?"

9 out of 10 times, the answer is "Yes. She's a bitch most of the time."
See the pattern?

Quoting Wiki.org, "While PMS is a reality for some women, it is over- and misdiagnosed in many cases. A variety of problems, such as chronic depression, infections, and outbursts of frustration can be misdiagnosed as PMS if they happen to coincide with the premenstrual period. Often, says this theory, PMS is used as an explanation for outbursts of rage or sadness, even when it may not be the primary cause."

So what should you do when your girlfriend is "psming?"

Follow my advice for dealing with bitchy women:

If your girlfriend is in a foul mood, leave her alone and let her calm down on her own.

And if your girlfriend is CONSTANTLY a bitch, then it just shows it's time to leave her and find a girl who's good for your mental health - a girl who isn't a bitch!

How Will I Ever Fix My Relationship If My Partner Isn't Interested?

2010-03-05T06:47:00.000-08:00

It takes two to create a relationship right? And of course it takes two to make it last. So if you and your partner are having major problems you may be asking, "How will I ever fix my relationship if my partner isn't interested?" Maybe the two of you have broken up or separated. Maybe you are married and your spouse is asking for a divorce. If you are still committed to saving the relationship, you are already half way there!

Do you remember when the two of you were first dating and the wonderful feelings associated with that? That may seem like a really long time ago, or it may have been just a few months ago. The point is that the same environment that attracted the two of you to each other must be cared for if it is going to last and remain strong. What has happened is that your partner or spouse no longer enjoys the environment the two of you are in, more than likely because it has changed. More on this in a minute.

Do you find yourself battling unsuccessfully in an attempt to save your relationship while your partner appears either indifferent or uninterested? This is the problem. The more you push for problem resolution, the more they are pulling away. Isn't that what seems to be happening? Think about it for a second. You cling to them because you are craving something you aren't getting. They pull away and you get your feelings hurt. The more this happens, the more frustrated and dissatisfied you are and the more they feel like the relationship isn't working for them either! This pattern will continue until the breakup ultimately happens.

There is a better way. You don't have to continue with this pattern any more. You can pinpoint the exact reasons the relationship changed and learn how to go back to the way things were when you first fell in love. Regardless of whether your partner or spouse seems interested in saving the relationship or not, there is a proven and specific action plan that will practically guarantee your success. Quite simply, it works even if your partner isn't doing anything!

I'd like to tell you more about this. Check out my site at Makeup Stay Together and I'll tell you where you can find it. And don't forget my free gift "4 Critical Steps" you must take following the break up. Best Wishes and see you on the other side!

How to Tell If Your Lover is Telling the Truth Or is Simply Lying Straight to Your Face? Find Out

2010-03-05T06:36:00.000-08:00

It might be that you have watched so many soap operas that you put double meaning to everything that your lover does. If he gives you flowers, instead of thanking him, you think that he is guilty that is why the flowers were given. If he is late, instead of listening to his explanation, you think that he was late because he had to drop some other girl first. We all get this, and any time you don't trust someone, you will think the worst. But what happens, if you were really right?

The double entendre is just making your relationship suffer. Your lover is getting tired of your suspicions and sooner or later the suspicions might become a reality. Now, what do you do to save the relationship? How can you tell if your lover is telling the truth?

Look into his eyes - for they are the mirrors of the soul. If your lover can look straight into your eyes without looking too intense and trying his best not to blink, then he probably is telling the truth. If he shifts his eyes to the left, be wary for he might be lying.

Listen to his voice - You can tell by the tone of your lover's voice if he is sincere or not. Listen very carefully to what he is telling you. A too confident tone close to being glib could be a tell-tale sign of dishonesty. If the tone is sincere and honest, you will hear it if you truly know your lover.

Look at his facial expression - You can readily tell if your lover is lying by his facial expressions. If he seems extra mad because of your accusations, then that is not good. A guiltless person would probably get irritated but not really mad. A guiltless lover can even laugh about the whole thing.

He says so - Give your lover the benefit of the doubt. If he says he is telling the truth then believe him. Your relationship might be put in a better situation if you would only trust him. But, if he is constantly arguing with you, and literally demanding that you believe him, trust that he is really lying.
Liars will over assert everything, and in the end, they may even give you far too many details to try and win your trust back. They want you to believe the lies, which is why they will try extremely hard to make you believe them.

Body language - next time you ask a question, hold his hand and see if he even lets you. If your partner won't even let you have physical contact when talking to you, then understand that they are afraid of being caught in a lie, and are ashamed of themselves. Their body language is an easy way to tell if they are lying, as their body will always show what their words do not. Watch for a blank expression, and the inability to sit comfortably as well.

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Rules For Dating and Attracting

2010-03-01T03:34:00.000-08:00

Relax, it's just a date.

But in reality, we're just as nervous as you are after finding out that she finally agreed to go out with you on a Saturday night. First dates are so exciting that it sends shivers down our spines - making us panic about what to wear, what to say, where to take her and which part of our body we should kick ourselves in case the date turns out really disastrous.

The jitters will be there but let's face it; this is an opportunity to give her a night she'll never forget. So muster all the courage you have because here are a couple of things you must remember to have her aching for a second date.

Impress but not too much - Dating is like a business meeting where you advertise yourself to her. It's ok to put your best foot forward but remember that selling yourself is different from selling life insurance. Share things about yourself but always try to know more about her. Women like it when men ask about themselves so keep asking her questions. Chicks dig it when you show interest in them.

Hold the good stuff - A woman appreciates it when you tell her how gorgeous she looks but don't spend the night spoiling her with your sweet gestures. She likes nice guys but being too nice is always a big turnoff. You remember the old adage that goes "Nice guys finish last," right?

Listen to what she says - Give her a generous amount of time to talk and make sure that you listen. If your thoughts drift away that you ask her the question she just answered, you'll just tick her off for sure. Just maintain interest in what she says and she'll gladly listen when it's your turn to speak up.

It's in the eyes - For experts, eye-contact enables you to connect personally with another person. So when you talk to her, stare at those eyes as much as you can. Eye contact connotes a lot of things: trust, confidence, respect and so much more.

End on a high note - According to studies, people usually remember a certain incident in their lives through the way they felt at the end. What better way to make end your date but in a warm manner she'll always remember?

Here's how to do it. Don't just say goodbye and buzz her on the cheek. Tell her how much you enjoyed the night like "I had a really awesome time, Katy (do mention her name!). It was great to meet you." End the night with the same enthusiasm you had when you started and she might just hug you tighter when she bids you goodbye.

For more tips on how to impress women not just on dates, and how to get women, visit http://www.sinnsofattraction.com for free tutorial videos.

Dating Tips For Men - Attracting Beautiful Women Without Effort

2010-03-01T03:30:00.000-08:00

Most guys can find themselves falling in love with the idea of being able to attract beautiful women without much or any effort at all. Yet, you and I both know that this is more a fantasy than anything else. When you want to attract beautiful women, the truth is, you are going to have to put forth some effort. They key is to learn exactly where you will get your best rewards for the efforts that you DO put in. More men make the mistake of putting all of their efforts with women into doing the WRONG things to try and win her over.

Here are some dating tips for men that you NEED to consider if you want to start attracting beautiful women with minimal efforts:

1. You have to work on YOU first. Most guys want to just read a book or watch a video and hope that some magical answer will somehow be revealed to them. Wouldn't that be nice? One of the things that you HAVE to do as a man is to work on yourself. Get YOUR life to where you want it to be. This will give you the sense of natural confidence and security, which are both very attractive qualities to a woman. You have to be able to have the right mindset to start attracting beautiful women and it DOES start with YOU!

2. You must be able to demonstrate your alpha male traits through your body language. Now, I know that most men have a bit of weariness when they think about learning how to use body language to attract a woman. It sounds so complicated and makes you think that you will have to study for months before you will see any real results. This is NOT true. Some simple and basic understanding of how to use body language to attract a woman can easily produce amazing results. You will be able to attract beautiful women, as they are almost DRAWN to YOU.

3. You MUST be able to talk to a woman in a way that makes her feel attracted from the get go. If you feel as though you do not have the conversational skills to attract a woman, then you will want to get some practice. Go out and pick a woman at random and just start a conversation with her. She doesn't have to that hot when you first start out. The whole point is to gain confidence when you are around women and learn how to talk to women in a way that makes them feel attraction for YOU.

4. Flirting with a woman has to seem like it just FLOWS. When flirting with a woman, it should never seem like a hassle or a chore. You shouldn't feel dread at the thought of flirting with a woman. The more experience that you gain in this department or area, you will be able to see that not only is it enjoyable, it's also one of the best and easiest ways to start attracting beautiful women without much effort. A beautiful woman will naturally respond to a man that can flirt with her in a way that makes her FEEL something wonderful.

5. You have to be able to handle rejection from a woman. Let's face it, you are going to get the cold shoulder from a woman from time to time. It's just the way that it goes. Some guys when they get rejected from a woman, become hung up on her. And they waste all of their time trying to go after the one woman that does NOT want to be with them. Talk about wasting your efforts. You have to be able to move on with the breeze and approach the next woman.

6. You must have the RIGHT appearance. Now, you don't have to go out to the mall and spend all of your money on the trendiest clothes and an overpriced haircut. The thing is, you just want to appear like you are clean and put together. Most women are not that into being with a guy that seems like a slob of sorts. So, don't give off that impression. Just keep your appearance looking neat and make sure that you SMELL good. Pick up some good cologne and this should do the trick.

7. Don't start comparing yourself to other guys. This can damage your elf esteem really quickly. If you start to see improvements in your personal life, just focus on this. Don't allow yourself to down play your success with women by comparing yourself to other men. You just want to make sure that YOUR experiences with women are what you want them to be, or at least that they are on track.

Trying to master this area of your life, and start attracting beautiful women without much effort can seem like a tall task at first. When you break things down and learn what really works to attract a woman, you can see that there are certain things that you can do that will spark attraction with a woman almost instantly.

This will help to make you turn into the kind of man that can attract beautiful women without a whole lot of efforts. It doesn't have to be just a dream or a fantasy for YOU. Any man can learn how to develop the kind of alpha male traits that attract beautiful women with ease. You have to ask yourself, are you ready to start now?

How badly do YOU want to start attracting beautiful women?

Get Your FREE Report that Details the 7 Most Important Concepts You Have to Know to Attract and Seduce Women. Learn how to get the girl and get Dating Tips For Men

What If Your Partner Is Only Attracted To Jerks

2010-02-25T04:41:00.000-08:00

Do you know partners who seem to be "only" attracted to jerks? (Come on now, I am sure everybody knows at least a couple.)

Today I have a piece of golden advice for dating such partner:

Don't do it!

If a one-night stand or a short-term relationship is all that you're looking for, well, I'm not going to stop you. (Still, I want you to be VERY careful!)

But if you're looking to start a long-term relationship with a partner who has a long history of dating jerks or the "abusive type", then I urge you to rethink.
Because the fact that he/she's been attracted to these guys/ladies is a sign that he/she may have deeper problems than you think.

It is perfectly normal for a man/woman to be attracted to a man who acts like a challenge.

It is also quite normal for a man/woman to feel attraction for a jerk.

But a man/woman who keeps going back to dating jerks...well...let's just say that that is NOT normal.

It shows the man/woman LIKES being mistreated because of some deeper psychological issues. (Usually it's because of low self-esteem, but there are other reasons as well.)

Dating a man/woman like this is like holding a time bomb in your hands - you never know when he/she's going to blow up.

If you're dating such a man/woman, feel free to send me an email and I'll yell at you.

As a "Smart Dater", there's absolutely no reason for you to tolerate these "baggage women/men".

Date men/women who are not good "to" you, but good FOR you instead!

What If You Suspect Your Partner Is After Your Money?

2010-02-22T05:20:00.000-08:00

Today's tip is going to be very short.

A question that I get from my readers *all the time* is, "What if you suspect your partner is after my money?"

The answer is very simple with this one:

DO A TEST!

Cut back the amount of money you spend on him/her. Don't buy anything for him/her. Don't take him/her out to expensive dinners. Cut out on your "quality of life" with him/her while maintaining the same kind of attention you have given him/her in the past.

Then watch her VERY closely to see how she reacts.

Does his/her attraction seem to drop? Or does she still enjoying being with you?

If he/she's still happy with you, then it shows you did NOT need to pamper him/her with materialistic things to attract him/her to begin with. (You've wasted all that money, buddy!) Good. Keep it that way and use your HEART instead of your wallet to attract him/her from now on.

But if he/she's dissatisfied or seems to whine about money a lot, then it's a sign he/she could be a gold digger.

In that case, keep dating him/her WITHOUT spending another dime on him/her. If he/she stays, all right. Good for him/her.

But if he/she wants to leave you, then let him/her leave. Gold diggers are really not worth it!

When You Will Finally Get Over Your Ex-Partner

2010-02-22T05:12:00.000-08:00

Here's my answer:

"When you finally fall in love with someone you're even more attracted to than your ex."

Of course, this may not happen right away. In fact, it may take a long while. But according to my years of experience as a dating coach, in most cases it will eventually happen. There'll almost always be someone who you'll end up liking more than your ex. Almost always.

But here's the catch: you won't find that special someone if you keep on sitting at home and whining over your ex. I know it's hard, but you just have to:

1) Get out there and work on your social life again.
2) Meet new people.
3) Flirt with and see other girls/men casually.

It's true that you may not find a new partner that you'll like as much as you liked your ex right away, but at least you'll be on your way!

Should You Buy Your Partner Gifts?

2010-02-19T05:01:00.000-08:00

There are some dating coaches out there who think that you should "never" buy your partner gifts. But personally, I don't agree with them. I think you can give your partner a gift. IF you don't overdo it AND if you're NOT trying to impress him/her or get anything in return.

For example, if you're walking down the street and you happen to see a little cute thingy at the dollar store that you know he/she would love, go ahead and get it. It won't hurt.

What WILL hurt you, however, is if you try to raise your partner's attraction BY giving him/her gifts. He/She may think you're "nice" in the short-run, but in the long-run it won't help you attract at him/her. In fact, he/she may drop his/her attraction for you if he/she sees you as needy.

Lesson of the day: Don't worry about giving your partner gifts if they are inexpensive and you are not doing it to please or impress him/her. But if you're trying to attract your partner by giving him/her gifts, you're going in the wrong direction.

Save your money and buy my "Ingredient To A Healthy, Happy And Long Lasting Love Relationship"

Are You In An Abusive Relationship?

2010-02-19T04:50:00.000-08:00

Here are a couple of questions to ask yourself.

1) Has your partner ever been sexually abused as a child?
2) Does your partner blame you when he/she does something bad?
(As in it’s always "YOUR" fault.)
3) Is your partner chronically angry or depressed?
4) Is your partner unpredictable?
5) Has your partner ever abused you?
6) Does your partner have double standards for your behavior and her behavior?
7) Has your partner ever tried to manipulate you?
8) Is your partner incompetent in daily living skills? (Loses job after job, etc.)
9) Does your partner hang around a “bad” group of people?
10) Does your partner exhibit any anti-social behavior?

If you have answered "yes" to any of these questions, you should be extremely careful with your relationship. All of these "symptoms", except for number one - which is okay if he/she has put it behind him/her or learned to manage his/her pain - are deadly.

What If Your Partner Belittles You In Front Of Other People?

2010-02-12T06:23:00.000-08:00

Does your partner ever belittle you in front of other people? Does he/she make fun of you (in a harmful way) or make hurtful comments about you in front of strangers or his/her friends?

If so, it is time to lay down the smack.

As soon as it happens, you need to give your partner the silent treatment. Don't talk to him/her until he/she's freaked out/confused why you're giving him/her the silent treatment. Next, let him/her know what he/she did was not appropriate and that while you love him/her very much, you will not tolerant any disrespect from him/her. End the conversation there and do not get into an argument if he/she tries to lure you into a fight.

If your partner is smart (and actually cares about you), he/she will "get" this warning and be more careful about it in the future. But if he/she ignore you and keeps on putting you down in front of other people, then you seriously need to consider finding a man/woman who actually RESPECTS you.

Remember: As a "Smart Dater", you DESERVE respect from your partner in a relationship. Never settle for anything less!

How To Stay Together With Your Partner

2010-02-12T06:11:00.000-08:00

Here are a couple of tips on how to keep your partner's interest in you high:

a) Fun and Romance: A lot of people stop flirting once they're in a relationship. Since they have successfully courted each other and do not have to worry about attracting each other anymore, they stop flirting and settle down into a routine.

Big mistake.

Attraction comes and goes. Just because your partner was attracted to you when he/she first met you doesn’t mean he/she will CONTINUE to be attracted to you if you don’t do anything to keep the attraction high.

b) Be attentive: A lot of guys like to slack off and become less attentive as time goes on. They stop paying attention to their women and end up losing them.

Don’t make the same mistake.

Try to notice the details. Do thoughtful things. Leave little messages that say “I’ve been thinking about you…” Compliment your partner when he/she does something good.

c) Talk to Partner: Have at least one good talk every week. Maybe before bed. Maybe when you’re walking in the park. The time and location does not matter. Doing it is much more important.

This will help you solidify the bond with him/her. I don’t care how busy you’re with work. I don’t care what other dating coaches have taught you. (“Never call your partner”, etc) If you can’t even spare an hour on your partner once a week, then it’s really your fault if the relationship turns sour.

d) Remain in control: Some guys/ladies use the techniques I’ve taught them to seduce a sexy man/woman they’ve always wanted, only to give up their control and start kissing their partner's ass. Remember: everything I’ve said about remaining in control of yourself still applies after the initial courtship!
Never lose control! Be a man/woman!

By the way, remember that when I say “stay in control”, I don’t mean you should “control your partner”. What I really mean is to CONTROL YOURSELF and your OWN ACTIONS.

e) Don’t Use Money To Substitute Anything: Under NO,
NO, NO circumstances should you attempt to please your partner with money and physical gifts. Wealth is NOT an alternative for love. Money can buy you sex, but it can’t buy you love. I don’t care how rich and busy you are. Never, never pamper your partner with money. It will eventually ruin your relationship – I’ve seen it happen countless times.

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2010-02-08T07:16:00.000-08:00

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What To Do With A Jealous Partner

2010-02-04T04:25:00.000-08:00

I am often asked, "What should I do if my partner is jealous?"

Well...it depends on HOW jealous he/she is.

If he/she is a normal man/woman who gets jealous every once in awhile, then you don't have too much to worry about. In fact, it's good that he/she DOES gets a bit jealous every now and then.

It shows he/she still sees you as a stud.

In that case, you can just "defuse" his/her jealousy by teasing him/her playfully. For example, if your girlfriend calls a woman a bitch after the woman talks to you at a party, just say something like, "Nah. She's not a bitch. She just has good taste. And so do you." Then give her a kiss.

Problem solved.

But if your partner is one of those men/women with a "chronic" jealousy problem, then you're in trouble.

Never forget that a person's jealousy usually comes from insecurity. This is why EVERYONE gets jealous every once in awhile...because nobody is perfect and we all do have our own insecurities.

So if your partner is VERY jealous ALL THE TIME, it's a sign that he/she is very insecure...

And guess what?

Insecurity means low self-esteem, and low self-esteem means BAD CHARACTER.

FIND ANOTHER MAN/WOMAN!

I have said this a thousand times and I will say it again:
Remember that you cannot change a partner's character. You have to accept him/her for who he/she is BEFORE you enter the relationship. If you try to play therapist, his/her attraction for you is going to drop very fast and you'll most likely end up as his/her "friend".

In other words, you CANNOT do anything to "help" him/her become less jealous. You cannot cure a man's/woman's jealousy or insecurity. It's something that he/she has to do on his/her own.

The other alternative, of course, is to learn to "tolerate" your partner's jealousy. But let me warn you now: as time goes on, it will get harder and harder, and you'll probably be in for a very rough ride.

You have been warned!

What If Your Partner Needs More Space

2010-02-04T04:13:00.000-08:00

What should you do if your partner tells you they need "more space" in the relationship?

Should you whine about it?

No.

Should you try to convince him/her how much you love him/her?

No.

Should you get jealous because he/she wants to spend more time with his/her friends?

No.

What you SHOULD do is to pull back from the relationship and focus on YOUR life...even MORE than he/she does.

Why? Because when a man/woman needs more "space", it means you're being too needy and you're suffocating him/her. It means his/her attraction for you is DROPPING and if you keep on pushing him/her, he/she is going to dump you.

At this point, if you force him/her to "work things out", you will only end up pushing him/her AWAY since you already have one foot in the negative zone.

So instead of pushing him/her away from you, you should PULL BACK and focus on YOUR life.

Focus on improving your life, working towards your goals, and creating a stronger self-image.

Because chances are, if he/she needs more space, you probably haven't been spending a lot of time with your own life outside your relationship.

By focusing too much on a relationship, you risk losing out what life has to an offer. As a result, you will become even MORE needy overtime as you lose the grip on the rest of the world. One day, you will wake up and find that you "cannot live without him/her", and ironically, that's usually when a man/woman will dump you.

A healthy relationship requires SPACE for both parties to grow. So give him/her some space, and give YOURSELF some space too.

As crazy as it may sound to you if you're a needy person right now, it may actually be one of the best things you can do for your relationship!

What If My Partner Wants To See Other People?

2010-02-01T04:58:00.000-08:00

What does your partner mean when he/she says you should both see other people?

As a Smart Dater, it should only mean one thing: his/her attraction for you has dropped so much that the relationship is about to end.

Your partner can not just wake up one day and want to start seeing other people. Usually, when he/she wants to see other men/women outside an existing relationship, it's because she wants to meet other men/women without feeling guilty OR without facing complete rejection if a man/woman rejects him/her. (He/She will still have a guy at home to go home to.)

In other words, your partner only wants to see other guys/ladies because he/she is not attracted to you anymore, but at the same time, he/she wants to keep you around as a "backup" in case his/her new partner turns out to be a creep. In fact, he/she may even see you as a "tool" to get new partner jealous.

So what do you do when your partner wants to "see other people"?

Well, honestly there's not much you can do. If you disagree, he/she will probably dump you right there since the attraction is so low anyway.

Your best bet is to end the relationship right there OR to agree to see other people too. But either way, you want to actually start seeing other people and let him/her know ALL about it. Show him/her that you ARE capable of attracting other men/women and that you are NOT going to just sit there and be his/her "backup plan."

If he/she freaks out and begs for you to come back, good. Otherwise, just move on. He/She's not worth your time!

9 Signs It's Time To End A Relationship

2010-02-01T04:28:00.000-08:00

1) Everybody around you is telling you your partner is not for you:
Yes, I know it’s you who’s in love with your partner, not them. But if everybody thinks there’s something wrong with your partner, perhaps they’re right. Don’t forget that third party opinions are usually more objective than yours.

2) Your partner is a bit crazy/unstable or has major character flaws.
Remember…you don’t need any more emotional baggage in your life.

3) You’re trying too hard to change yourself for your partner.
I’m sorry, but if you’re constantly trying to change yourself for your partner, maybe you’re just not the right person for him/her.

4) You’re trying too hard to make your partner care for you.
If you spend every moment obsessing over your partner to keep her interested, you’re definitely not the right person for him/her.

5) You’re always arguing with your partner.
Dating should be fun. So if you spent more time arguing with your partner than having fun when you were dating, maybe it’s better to move on.

6) You feel you’ve lowered your standards for your partner.
If you think you're "too good" for a spouse, then raise your bar and find someone better.

8) You feel like it’s becoming a chore to take care of your partner but you do not want to break up because you do not want to hurt him/her.
Guess what? You will eventually break up with him/her if you feel this way. Better to do it now.

9) You’re just with him/her because you're afraid of being single again.
So you would rather be in a bad relationship? Not a valid excuse.
Find a partner you're actually IN LOVE with instead!

12 Signs You Should Leave A Woman

2010-01-28T05:08:00.000-08:00

Here are 10 signs you should leave a woman:

1) She is addicted to drugs.
Sorry, call me a jerk, but there's no compromise for this one. I've seen WAY too many readers get burned by going out with junkies.

2) She has cheated on you more than once.
Letting her come back the first time was already a mistake. Don't make the same mistake again.

3) You don't like being with her except for the sex.
You can get sex off any woman. So no matter how good sex with a particular woman is, it can NOT be the only reason to stay with her.

4) You know she doesn't like you.
If you know that she doesn’t like you, then you should also know that she'll leave you as soon as she finds someone better.

5) She is too needy and demanding.
Women who are a tiny bit needy is okay. But if a woman is extremely demanding of you, then you should find someone who's not as demanding.

6) She comes between you and your friends.
Women come, women go, but best friends are for life. Don't lose your friends - or when you finally break up with a woman, you're going to find yourself without any friends!

7) She doesn't respect you.
If a woman doesn't show you the respect you deserve, leave without looking back. It will NOT work out anyway.

8) You don't respect her.
I you don't respect a woman as your equal, you're not going to be happy with her in a relationship. You'll either be unhappy, or you'll cheat.

9) She has constant emotional problems.
Don't fall pray to drama queens and other emotional vampires. They will suck all the energy out of you and then move on to their next victims.

10) You don't like yourself when you're with her.
If you don't like who you are when you're not with a woman, she is NOT going to make a good long-term girlfriend for you no matter how hot she is.

11) You're not physically attracted to her anymore.
Never stay with a woman just because you're afraid of hurting her should you break up. It will only hurt her more in the end.

12) You keep thinking, "Maybe things will get better..."
After hearing dozens of cases from my readers every week for many years, I can guarantee you that it won't.

10 Signs You Are About To Get Dumped

2010-01-28T04:08:00.000-08:00

1) Your Partner is Always Busy See You
Life is all about priorities. If your partner is always busy to see you, but yet he's got time to go shopping, hang out with her girlfriends, or even go for coffee with that cute guy/lady at work, it is a sign you are not important in his/her life anymore.

2) Your Partner Gets Mad At You For , Stupid Things
He/She will often use "little excuses" to show his/her negative feelings towards you before a breakup. Nothing you do will be up to her standards, and he will find every opportunity to let you know you are not up to her standards. See this as a warning of what is to come.

3) Your Partner Screens You Out When You Call
If he stops answering your calls directly and lets you go right to her voice mail, it is a sign that he's stopped caring. If he wanted to talk to you, don't you think he would have picked up?

4) Your Partner's Friends Suddenly Seem Distant
If her friends have always "liked" you historically in the past but are now all suddenly acting "distanced" whenever you are in their presence, it is a sign they may know something you don't know - such as you are about to get dumped.

5) You Fight All The Time Over Tiny Things
A tiny bit of fighting is all right in a relationship.
But if you fight ALL the time over the tiniest things, it is a sign the relationship is not going to work.

6) Your Partner Doesn't Hold Your Hand Anymore
If he does not need to show any affection in public, it is a sign the romantic feelings are gone. It won't be long before he dumps you.

7) Your Partner Has Stopped Having Sex
If he's stops having sex or getting physically intimate with you, that is another sign her attraction for you has dropped and you are about to get dumped.

8) Your Partner Doesn't Seem Attracted To You Anymore
Do you get the feeling that she is not that in to you anymore? Guess what? Your intuition is probably right.

9) Your Partner Wants "Space"
If a woman asks for "space", it is a sign she is feeling suffocated by the relationship. Back off a bit and give her some space. If you push now, you will only push her in to breaking up with you.

10) Your Partner Wants To See Other People
If a woman wants to "see other people", it is a sign the relationship is over. Don't believe in any of her excuses. The truth is, if he were still VERY attracted to you, he would not even dream of seeing other people!

Free Dating And Relationship Ebooks

2010-01-25T09:12:00.000-08:00

26 Secret Ingredient To A Happy, Healthy And Long Lasting Relationship

Discover The Secret Ingredient To Managing, Enjoying And Keeping Your Love Relationship Forever.

Guide To Adult Dating

If you're tired of the normal dating routines of going out for coffee or dinner with someone you just met in a bar, you might want to try a spicier style of dating. Adult dating may just be the thing to kick your sex life into high gear. It's for anyone who wants to explore the extent of their sexuality, bring their fantasies to life, or try something new. With DrDating's "Guide to Adult Dating", you can venture into the highly coveted world of sexy adult dates.

The Beginners Guide to Virtual Sex

It doesn't matter if you're a virgin or promiscuous, single or in a committed relationship - ABSOLUTELY ANYONE can have fulfilling, pleasurable sex in the virtual world. All you need is a phone line or an internet connection. This guide will show you EVERYTHING you need to know about mastering the world of virtual sex.

The Art Of Conversation

We've all been there - the non-stop sweating and stuttering slowly becomes an embarrassment because you're simply too nervous to talk to the object of your attraction. Whether you're a sensitive guy or a sassy girl, you probably still get tongue-tied during parties, first dates, or even a simple conversation in your office lounge. Not to worry - Dr. Dating has created just the thing that can help you get your tongue out of a twist.
Guide To Online Dating
Be honest - the single life can be depressing sometimes. You may try to find dates in bars, ask your friends to hook you up with someone, or even try dating services. If you don't' seem to have any success, you might find yourself giving up. But there's probably one dating frontier you haven't tried - online dating. More and more people all over the world are increasing their dating chances through the opportunities offered on the internet. With DrDating's Guide to Online Dating, you can use the internet to give your dating life a complete makeover!

How To Be Successful With Women

Ever thrown your arms up in the air, confused about something a woman said or did? You're not alone! Most men don't have an answer to the question of "What do women want?" Most men, that is, except for Dr. Dating. In his eBook How to Be Successful with Women, Dr. Dating tackles the complexities of the female mind, and it's written it for YOU! He's handing you nothing short of the keys to the kingdom.

How To Give Any Woman Orgasms
The female body is a mystery to most men - even to those who have had thousands of sexual conquests. What is it that makes women tick? What do women really want in bed? These questions may have perplexed you for so long, and you're not alone. Finally, Dr. Dating has written a complete, tried and tested guide on How to Give Any Woman Orgasms.

Successful Online Dating For Christians

Isn't it hard how online dating can be difficult - especially for Christians? It's definitely hard to search for your true love online when you've got a lot of things to consider that non-Christians don't have to worry about. The author has researched and understood your unique situation, and provided a compact, easy to follow solution in this eBook. If you're an active Christian looking for love, then this eBook is for you!

How To Make Sex Last Longer

Many sexually active males find it hard to "keep it up" until their woman is fully satisfied. Since it's no secret that it takes women longer to climax, guys need to delay their ejaculation if they really want to satisfy their partner. Everyone knows that longer intercourse is much more satisfying than "quickies" for both parties.

Great Tips For Dating Success

Whether you're looking for a fun, casual dating experience or a powerful romantic encounter, Great Tips for Dating Success is just the guide you need. This guide was written and researched by Dr. Dating himself, to help people form all walks of life to find and enjoy great dates. This eBook has all the hot tips and tricks that will help increase your dating success.

Making Cash With Your Own Dating Website

Almost everybody is making some kind of money through the internet. There are several success stories all over the news that show young people earning a decent amount of money from their websites. You can do this too! Through this guide, Making Cash with Your Own Dating Website, you can learn how to create and run a website that will help you take the steps towards financial freedom.

What To Look For In A Guy : Three Requirements Of A Healthy Relationship

2010-01-25T06:43:00.000-08:00

What do you look for in a guy? How will you recognize a good relationship? What can you do to help a good relationship develop and grow? Let me give you three things that are necessary for healthy relationships of any kind. These three things are respect, empathy, and genuineness.

I believe that you know what is meant by respect. When people have respect for each other they value each other. They want to know each other’s needs, thoughts sand opinions. There may be disagreements, but the opposing opinion is respected and even valued, if only because the opinion is important to the other person. This can be hard to do at times. It is related to maturity. As we mature we are better able to hold respect for others.

Think about respect as you date different people. Show respect for your date. Does he show respect for you? Is he interested in your opinions? Does he ask what you would like to do or where you would like to go? These are signs of respect.

Empathy is a wonderful trait to develop. Empathy is the ability to put oneself in the other person’s shoes and to understand their view and perception of a situation. This ability may not come natural. Fortunately, it is a skill that can be developed. Just start practicing by imagining that you are the other person in a conversation. Try to see their point of view. Try to think like they are thinking to better understand them. You can even practice this while watching television. Try to put yourself in the various characters’ shoes. Try to see each person’s viewpoint and why they are different.

Does your date seem to show empathy? Does he seem to listen to what you say? Is he able to verbalize your ideas and see your point of view? These things indicate empathy. If two people are able to provide empathy for each other, conflicts are more easily resolved. Add respect to the relationship and things are even better. The end result is a relationship that will uplift and compliment both persons.

Genuineness relates to both respect and empathy. You have to be yourself in the relationship. Don’t try to put up a front and pretend to be someone else. Just be you, with plenty of empathy and respect. In fact, if you are not genuine it will eventually show and it is a turn-off for most people. When you show respect, it must be genuine. When you show empathy, it must be real.

Genuineness may be a little shaky early on in the relationship because you will both be on your best behavior. With time the façade will drop, and hopefully, you can both just be yourselves.

Respect, empathy, and genuineness, move toward making them a part of your relationships. Even better, make them a way of life.

8 Don't Of A Successful Relationship

2010-01-21T05:18:00.000-08:00

Nobody's perfect, but it seems there are some mistakes that have more dire consequences on your love relationship than others. Have you made any of these blunders?

1. Don't Try To Change Your Partner

"If they love me enough, they'll change to please me." Do not try to change your partner or force him/her to change, It's will only take some time.

Do say that "If he/she loves me, he/she will change that small thing to please me." What you must know is that to your partner that "small thing" isn't small at all. Even when they try to change in order to please you, most times they do it with resentment "You do not love me for myself, but for the person you want me to be," They say. Yes, that is true You partner feel you do not really love when you try to change him/her.You are just after your selfish purpose to change them to fill your own needs.

2. Don't Feel like A Failure In Relationship

Never you start to feel as though you are not been loved, that life is against you or that you will always fail in love or your relationship. The truth is that you are never a failure It is just that you have not learn the strategies and techniques about enjoying, managing or keeping your relationship.

By the time you learn and practice these new strategies and techniques, you will be able to handle and take control of your love relationship in the best way possible.

3. Don't Believe You Have To Be "Good Enough" To Keep Your Love Relationship

Many people have come to believe that they have to turn into a pretzel to keep someone's love or their relationship. Not too long a woman came to me and said, " I finally found a wonderful man but the relationship is miserable. "Everyday I worry that he will find out who I really am and leave." This woman was daily expecting rejection, and she actually did things to bring about it. Soon she began to sabotage the relationship, finding all kind of fault with the man Although she fail to realize it, she did this tings to feel better about herself. The truth you must understand is that you cannot earn another person's love. The more you try to do this the worse you feel. You must understand that you are created to be loved. You must learn to be the friend of yourself.

4. Don't Reject Your Partner So They Can't Do It First

A lot of people reject their partners as protection against being rejected by themselves.The idea here is that such people feel they do not deserve a relationship, they feel they can't hold onto a partner because they have not accepted who they are.

5. Don't Believe Your Partner Should Read Your Mind, And Know What You Want Without Your "Communicating" Clearly

"If my partner loved me, he/she will know what I needed and give it to me." Never you believe this, your partner is not a soothsayer that will always know what is on your mind. Even soothsayer do not know everything on ones mind at times. It would then not be necessary to have to actually ask what you wanted. This is one of the grave mistake so many people make in their relationship. A relationship cannot flourish where there is no truth, openness or lack of communication. Effective communication, however, can be a skill. And though you may feel that you have repeated yourself a thousand times, that you have communicated. There are ways of communication in and of themselves, can save your relationship. Not only should you know what you want, and ask for it clearly (without producing any guilt) -- you must also be able to accept both yes and no.

6. Don't Believe It's Your Partner's Job To Make You Happy

If your partner at any time said no, it does not mean that your partner does not love you. They are some demands that may be impossible to fulfill. It is not your partner's job to always make you happy. Your partner should be there to grow and share with you. You must learn to make yourself happy, and make others happy as well. Love is based on communicating, consideration and giving. However, you must be happy with yourself, before another person can make you happy.

7. Don't Believe It Is Hard To Get Your Partner To Talk

When it is time for intimate conversation the man clam up, offer a few grunts, expecting the woman to magically understand what's going on. The woman feel shut out and the man feel misunderstood. However, you do not realize something as a woman. The man want to talk. Under a conducive conditions, he will talk all night long. Men desperately want to express their feelings to others and tell them what is going on. However, what many do not realize is, men are more fragile than women. If you want them to talk, things have to be right. All that is needed here is to learn how to create a conducive environment, that is what is necessary for a man to feel safe enough to talk.

8. Don't Be Addicted To Fighting

When they see their partner upset, it reassures them that they care. Others have seen their parents fighting and this is the only role model they have. Some are addicted to the "high" they get out of fighting. Some crave the feeling of domination, respect or control. Domination is not love. If it hurts, then it is abuse, no longer love.

Undeniable Tips To Improving Your Love Relationship

2010-01-19T04:55:00.000-08:00

Having a successful relationships and parenting children seems to be the two most difficult jobs to do and yet with no formal training in either. Well, it look like most people believe that we are born with the inherent ability to do these. Yet, with this the divorce rate is on the rise daily.

Partners get along well when times are good; and quarrel with, ignoring, or leaving each other when things are bad or tough. Most partners believe seeking help with relationships demean them or it is a defeat to their relationship or who they are as a person. Or possibly, they believe that relationships should be something you take care of yourself. Or maybe, some believe that they know more than those helping couples out there. After all, what is to know about keeping relationships together?

Well, we must understand that there is a lot to learn when it comes to relationships. Unfortunately, the only training most people receive is the learning from the adults who live our house and the media. It is discovered that this is the training that most partners depend upon, this is also true with our parents and grandparent. There is so much more to know about relationships than that.

In some ways, this training seem to help in one way but not at all times. Disagreements are natural in any relationships. It is totally impossible for two people to live together without some of their values, ideals, opinions or day-to-da activities coming into conflict with each other. The question now is how the partners manages this conflict.

Many things are to be considered when speaking of partners challenges and areas for growth and development. Firstly, compatibility. It is a key for a successful, healthy relationship. To be attracted to someone is not enough to show that you are compatible. You must KNOW him/her in person, likes, dislikes, ideals, beliefs, behaviors, habits, culture, and much more.Try to know virtually everything about him/her. Then you can now determine whether you are compatible or not.

A second consideration is simply that there are major differences in how men are in relationships compared to how women are. Women generally don't understand men because the men don't act like women and similarly, men don't understand women because they don't act like men. And since a woman has never been a man and a man has never been a woman, how does each learn about these important differences? John Gray researched and wrote about these issues in his book, Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus. But I would say that the majority of people in relationships don't take the time to learn about these gender differences. It is easier to point a finger and blame the other person for his or her irrational behavior.

As mentioned earlier, a third area of growth is learning how to manage conflict. There are time proven methods for resolving conflict that we don't learn in school or from a book. There are ways to actually hear each other in relationships. By placing the relationship FIRST in importance, these methods can be implemented by couples to greatly improve their satisfaction.

There is so much to learn about satisfying relationships that your parents never showed you. Please don't become one of the statistics of divorce or perhaps worse, stay in a miserable relationship to honor your marriage vows while having so many regrets about your life as the time ticks away.

Take charge and take control of your life. Learn some new ways to improve the relationship you are already in or to prepare yourself for being a better, improved partner for the next person in your life.

How to Attract Women: How to Impress Women

2010-01-18T05:38:00.000-08:00

Renee Grant-Williams, a celebrity vocal coach, says, "The people we deal with in life come to know us by the three ways in which we present ourselves: (a) how we look; (b) what we say; and (c) how we say it." Obviously, this applies just as much to women as it does to men. If not more.

So if you want to impress women, you're gonna have to carefully think about how you present yourself. Let's look at each category.

A. How We Look

Whether you like it or not, dress is crucial. It says a lot about you: whether you care about how you look, or you don't. But you don't have to dress like a Hollywood celebrity to look good.

Here are some tips on how to dress for success:

1. Get a female friend or sister to help you pick your clothes.
If you don't know what to wear, get someone who does know! Ask a female friend or acquaintance to go shopping with you. She's sure to be flattered, and if you reward her with a gift certificate or DVD, she'll be all the more motivated to help you out.

2. Check out the latest styles.
Go to the bar or club and see what others are wearing. Observe what the guys who do well with women wear. Look in magazines and catalogs and see what it's in style.

3. Wear what conforms to your identity.
Hey, if you're the hardworking, businessman type, wear formal clothes that accent your career. If you're the snowboarder/skater type, wear grungy clothes that accent your loose, laid-back persona. And if you're really into music, don't be afraid to express yourself with the types of clothes that rock stars and musicians like to wear! You can't force a style upon yourself; clothes are a form of marketing, so market yourself like you would a product, in the way that best shows what you're all about.

The same goes for your hair: If you want to convey a clean-cut, crisp image, then you might want to shave and cut your hair short. But if you're trying to convey a rebel image, a goatee, long hair, and tattoos are probably in order.

And speaking of tattoos, don't forget that they are an ACCESSORY that further helps you to market yourself. Tats, jewelry, and even hats are great ways to mold your image to the man you want to present to women. If you're a snowboarder, for example, a wool hat says "Cool". Or if you're an aspiring rapper or musician, a doo rag has a place in your wardrobe. Consider the accessories that best conform to you as a person.

B. What We Say

Here are some great topics to talk about:

* Your dreams.
Let a girl know that you have a purpose and direction in your life, that you're not a wandering bum!

* Funny stories.
Humor is a great aphrodisiac. Think about some funny things that have happened in your life. But make sure your delivery is good--more below.

* Her.
The Dalai Lama said, “Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent.” Don't be afraid to let a girl speak for a while. Be silent, but be interested. Actively listen to what she says. It'll go a long way towards upping the attraction meter!

* Teasing/Playing around.
This is a great technique, especially if you don't know exactly what to talk about. Throw in an occasional joke or funny moment. I have a friend who has a great technique for handling silence. He laughs to himself, prompting the girl to ask, "What?" He'd say in a sly way that would invite curiosity, "Nah, you don't want to know. I'm in deep thought." She'd respond, "Tell me! Tell me!" So he'd do the whole Meow Mix song ("Meow meow meow meow..."). It's just one of many great ways to lighten the moment, and show you're a relaxed, none-too-serious person.

* Last but not least, sex.
One relationship guru brilliantly says, “TALKING about sex is the first step towards having it.” Ask her if she’s a bad girl, or what’s the craziest thing she’s ever done in her life—with a bit of innuendo added into your voice. This isn't the kind of stuff you want to talk about right away, but when things are going good, it's great to show your "inner bad boy". She’ll know what you mean, and get excited thinking about it.

Likewise, here are some topics that you SHOULD NOT talk about:

- Offensive humor. Chris Rock's racial humor may be entertaining, but it's not a good topic for a first date!
- Politics. There's nothing to be gained by arguing over issues and parties.
- Past girlfriends. An absolute no-no. All you do is play a game that makes one of you jealous or suspicious of the other. Stay away from this topic, but if she DOES ask you about past girlfriends, talk respectfully about them so you don't come off as an insecure whiner.
- Inside jokes between you and your friends. They're called inside jokes for a reason--keep them that way!
- Anything that could be interpreted as geeky or dorky, such as science-fiction. Unless you know for a fact that she's into science fiction and comic books, keep it to yourself for now. The last thing you want to come across as is a geek!
- Too much about yourself, your possessions, how great you are, etc. Bragging only makes you look insecure. Even if you own a yacht, don't talk about it like it makes you any more special than her.

C. How We Say It

Of course, none of these topics, particularly funny stories, are gonna work if you don't know to deliver them. Delivery in speech is crucial. People who have good delivery can make an otherwise dull story an exciting one. I highly suggest you read "Voice Power" by the aforementioned Renee grant Williams. Here are some tips she recommends:

1. Use consonants.
That is, accent your speech. If you're talking about a great concert you went to, no one will believe it's that great if you say in a monotone voice, "That was a great concert." That puts people to sleep. Instead, say, "Man, that was a grrrreat concert!" The Tony the Tiger voice. If she says something, don't say as if you're bored, "Really." Say, "Rrrreally?", then, with emphasis, "WOW." It works!

2. Don't use unnecessary words and details.
If you're talking about a time when you and your friends went to Cancun, don't bother with the unnecessary details like the food they served on the plane, the wait for the taxi, or the sheets they used in the hotel. Get to the point!

3. Silence.
As Williams says, Silence does speak a thousand words. There's nothing better than the "power pause", especially when trying to captivate your listeners with a story of bravery. You can lead up to something powerful, then pause while the girl takes it in and after a few seconds of silence, say, "But that's not all..." Or

4. Drama and comedy.
Don't be afraid to sprinkle some dramatic and comedic flair into your speech. If you're talking about a goofy incident with your buddy, laugh along with it. When you laugh, it's a cue for other people to laugh. Chris Rock does this all the time; he laughs at his own scripts, and it has the power of making his routine all the funnier. Likewise, if you're telling a dramatic story of something amazing like rescuing people from a car accident, talk with conviction and suspense. It really goes a long way towards spellbinding women; they love a great story, especially a heroic one.

5. Use body language.
It's not enough to talk with your arms beside your side and your butt on your seat. Talk with your arms, with your hands, your body language creating a sense of excitement. It's a fact: enthusiasm is contagious. So show some enthusiasm with your vocal and body languages!

Finally, change your pitch. If things are going well, lower your pitch, give her your best Barry White. If you're talking about a funny moment, a louder, more excited pitch is probably best. Recognize the mood and alter your voice to conform to it.

Congratulations! You're on your way to making great impressions on great women. Recognize the power of speech and appearance, and you're bound to succeed.

Don't forget, if you want to learn more about making yourself unforgettable to women by making unforgettable impressions, visit my website at "How to Be Irresistible to Women."

http://www.000relationships.com/towomen

Now it's YOUR turn!

James
Author of "How to Be Irresistible to Women"
http://www.000relationships.com/towomen

********************************************************************
About the author:

James is the author of the latest edition of "How to Be Irresistible to Women PREMIUM."His years of dating experience and international travel have tutored him in the art of meeting and seducing females the world over and introduces a worldly approach to dating and developing real relationships necessary for the modern man.

The "How to Be Irresistible to Women" package offers single men a dynamic and comprehensive tool-kit to attract women and establish an honest and supportive relationship. You can learn more about how to attract the woman of your dreams at:

http://www.000relationships.com/towomen

Tips On How To Have A Long Lasting Love Relationship

2010-01-12T03:52:00.000-08:00

Money Management – Some counselors say that money handling is the number one priority issue of conflict among couples. Problems arise with how money is viewed, how it should be save, spent and even earned. So here are some general guidelines to money management to help iron out some financial issues for couples.

1. Decide to set aside some time for discussing your financial matters in peace and quiet. Doing this quarterly (or monthly, if time and patience allow) is a good idea. Then you can make sure your budget is on track and allow a glance ahead at possible items coming up that may have been missed (like renewal of driver’s licenses) and look back to see how you are doing.

2. Gather all of your budgeting materials in one place; notebook paper, 3-prong folder with pockets for storing bills as they arrive in the mail, stamps, calculator, envelopes, check book, savings book, pencil, pen. When it’s time to work on your finances, bring everything out at once (maybe store in a special drawer or box for handy pick-up-and-go.)

3. On a sheet of notebook paper (or a sheet from a budget planning guidebook or software print out), list each monthly expense; rent / house payment, each utility, charities / tithing, grocery money, misc. funds (to allow for medicines, snacks, CD rental, etc.), car payments, insurance, credit card payments, etc. For guidelines, there are several things you can do; check with your local bank for budget planning help, ask a librarian for help finding budget books, check your computer’s software (Microsoft Word has some business / budgeting sheets that could be altered to fit your family planning needs, for instance), visit local office supply stores to see which types of budget planner notebooks and guide they may have available, surf online or use the following one enclosed and revise it to suit your needs. Hint: visit www.digital-women.com/daily-planner for lots of planner pages to choose from (for men and women!)

4. Fill in the blanks on your budget planner page. List how much each monthly payment is in #3 above. Then total the list to see how much income you need to cover all your expenses.

5. Note your incomes in a separate column off to the side. Does your income exceed your expense total? If so, great. Simply have fun choosing what you’d like to both do with your extra income, with long-term and short-term goals that are compatible with both of you. If not, if income does not exceed expenses, and this is the area where discourse usually strikes, it’s time to whittle down your expenses and / or earn extra income. Here are tips on whittling down income and being more budget-conscious with your available funds:

A. Use coupons, even cyber-ones like from www.valpak.com

B. Check with your insurance about higher deductibles and any special rate savings programs they may have (like good driving discounts).

C. Visit second hand stores for used books and clothing.

D. Donate time and volunteer work instead of tithing money.

E. Buy no-name foods, toiletry and household items (shampoos, deodorants, light bulbs, etc.) instead of brand names.

F. Cook at home more as entertainment and invite your neighbors and friends over. And skip eating out so much, renting CD / DVDs and going to movies.

G. Track and monitor your spending. Jot purchases in a notebook and keep handy with your checkbook for quick reference. Review and see how you do weekly. Improve!

H. Plan ahead. For example, save a little each month for Christmas so that in December, you’ll already have what you need for gifts already saved up. Likewise for annual insurance billings (like for the house) or for any other
annual billings.

I. See if you can trade services with others. For example, if you have a computer and can toss up a decent web page maybe you can create web pages for small business in the area in exchange for gift cards to use in their stores.

J. Sell some of your stuff – try online auctions, garage sales, cheap classifieds, bulletin boards around town…

K. Resist the urge to “immediately” fulfill a want. Instead, keep a list going of “wants.” If an item has been on there for a year, for example, then begin shopping for it. Look for bargains, try to trade for it, negotiate for a better deal. Waiting generally means you’ll really want it more (or not, and cross it off your list) and will actually USE it when you get it and not just toss it in a pile with other unopened or hardly used things that you just HAD to have.

L. Check out library books like:

The Cheapskate Monthly Money Makeover, by Mary Hunt; St. Martin's Press; Reissue edition (March 1, 1995).

Miserly Moms: Living on One Income in a Two-Income Economy, by Jonni McCoy; Bethany House Publishers; 3rd edition (October 1, 2001).

The Complete Cheapskate: How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out, and Break Free from Money Worries Forever, by Mary E. Hunt, Mary Hunt; St. Martin's Griffin; 1st edition (August 1, 2003).

Tips On How To Have A Long Lasting Love Relationship

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Now it’s time to take a look at the lowdown on how to handle long lasting love. Here are some pointers on how to deal with some of the top issues that when mishandled, can separate the men from the boys, as they say, or rather the successful couples from the less-successful ones.

Conflict Management- The key here is to realize that most couples do not solve every issue. In fact, reports show that couples don’t solve most of their problems. So if you think your girlfriends or buddies are winning more frequent battles than you, forget about it. It’s not happening.

Next realize that statistics still reflect about a 50 percent survival rate for married couples long-term. (I.E. the other half divorce). And for those who do make it, it’s not so much about whether or not they “love” each other more than the divorced people did. It’s generally more about that fact that they developed better communication skills and learned to understand each other better. And developed and learning - -these are action verbs.

As you develop and learn your own job skills for advancement, so can you and should you do the same for relationship advancement. There is no shame in reaching out and improving in this area. Tips for developing better communication skills and learning to understand your mate better; i.e. improve conflict management, are as follows:

1. Take turns speaking and listening to each other. As a speaker, speak only for yourself and keep your comments brief. The stop and invite the listener to sum up what you said (to make sure he or she understood).

2. Then allow the other person to take over and follow the same format.

3. Share back and forth in this same manner, jotting down conflict management notes as needed for following up later and establishing new boundaries in your relationship.

Some tips for handling conflict resolutions are:

A. Start with the person presenting his or her complaint in a general format, without blame. For example, instead of saying, “You keep leaving dirty dishes out on the counter all night,” say “I don’t like it when dirty dishes are left out
on the counter. During my college days, that attracted cockroaches.”

B. Encourage each other to come to an agreement in a calm, friendly manner. Negotiate. Give and take. Maybe the dishes from late night snacks don’t have to be washed with soap and hot water, but can simply be rinsed off instead and stacked in the sink’s dishpan or strainer, for instance.

C. If negativity starts, stop it ASAP. In the above example, maybe the mate wants all sinks clear and free for emptying coffee cups and other snack and breakfast dishes. So this person starts swearing, calling the other person a lazy idiot or something…STOP.

D. Calm things back down. Use hand signals like coaches do in sports, if necessary. Men can often relate to this. Do a “time out” mode. And take a breather or break for a few minutes.

E. Then go back to where things were fine, just before step “C.” Inject some humor and try to resolve the conflict again. Maybe joke about how you pay much more for your residence now and don’t have cockroach problems. And that OK, one sink can be left clear, the other will hold a strainer of rinsed-off items. Any dirty ones can be placed / stacked on one side of the strainer; rinsed items on the other. Done deal!

ABC’s of Unhealthy, Sad Relationships (continued)

2010-01-11T04:43:00.000-08:00

Responds Inappropriately – Some characteristics of unhealthy relationships include playing head games, trying to humiliate, using threats, insults or jealousy. These inappropriate responses suggest unhealthy environment between the couple.

Silence – Silence isn’t always golden, as the saying goes. If one person shuns or ignores the other, outside of a solitary or very brief occurrence, this can reflect an unhealthy relationship.

Treatment – If health care treatments are being ignored or stopped without the help of a professional; for example, in the case of stopping anti-depressant medication after a severe (negative) episode (like suicide), this can signal an unhealthy relationship. People need to take care of themselves and not leave everything up to their mates in relationships.

Untidy / Unkempt – When one or both partners disregards physical appearance for the duration (long-term, not just for a weekend), this signals an unhealthy relationship. One or both could be abusing substances, for example, or suffering depression.

Verbal Abuse /Violate – When one or both partners use verbal
abuse and / or violate or cause harm to the other’s person or personal property, things or friends, this can be a red flag for an unhealthy relationship. People should respect each other and each other’s property, things and friends. And verbal abuse is not appropriate.

Weapons – Threatening a partner with a weapon, even if it’s a household (or other) item used as a weapon is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Xerox – A trait of an unhappy relationship can be when a person is copying another, failing to be himself or herself. Some personality disorders are also characterized by this trait that reportedly shows up in a number of unhealthy relationships. And help is available.

Youthful Outlook / Emotions – An energetic, youthful attitude toward life is one thing. Youthful expectations; i.e. outlook, and emotions can be characteristic of unhealthy partners. Growing couples need maturity as they grow together and face adult issues. Childish displays of anger, hostility, selfishness, etc., don’t have much place in healthy, growing partnerships.

Zero – Growing relationships need a foundation. Zero to grow on is difficult to multiply. Got to start somewhere!

ABC’s of Unhealthy, Sad Relationships (continued)

2010-01-11T04:35:00.000-08:00

Management Mania – Remember the “Odd Couple?” A super manager personality can ruin an otherwise healthy relationship. Likewise a super sloth can wreak one, too. A little give and take is called for.

“Neverland” – Ever heard something this in an argument, “You never….?” Well trips to Neverland are for Peter Pan. Skip the “always” and “nevers” in arguments and avoid unhealthy relationship issues. It’s rare that someone does or does not do something 100 percent of the time. Memories just seem to fail during opportunistic, stressful episodes sometimes (not always, though!)

Ominous – Bad or ominous feelings, an omen…a feeling deep inside that tells you something is wrong - this often accompanies unhealthy relationships.

Pressure – When one party pressures (or forces) the other to have sex, this is characteristic of an unhealthy relationship.

Questions – Part of communicating is asking and answering questions. If this process causes problems, i.e. even the simplest of questions arouses anger, suspicions, fighting, etc., this is a trait often found with unhealthy relationships. The party who has difficulty answering questions may be hiding something, dealing with control issues or dealing with substance abuse (or other).

ABC’s of Unhealthy, Sad Relationships (continued)

2010-01-11T04:31:00.000-08:00

Indulgence – Instant gratification or indulgence of unhealthy behaviors is a sign of trouble. Grabbing chocolate to satisfy a craving is one thing. Grabbing illicit drugs or another mate in secrecy is another. Yielding to unhealthy temptations and desires is a pathway to unhealthy relationships.

Just say yes – Not being able to draw boundaries or sustain limits is another possible path to sad relationships. For example, if one person in the relationship has a difficult time saying “No” and setting limits, his or her mate could always come in second, third or forth - - rarely first in the other person’s eyes and agenda. And while it’s fine to take a back seat once in awhile, people make time for priorities and in healthy relationships, both parties feel and share the value of being number one with one another.

Kick the Dog – Kicking the dog, not in a literal sense (although that would be negative, too!) is characteristic of unhealthy relationships. For example, if a person comes home angry and passes this anger on to the dog by kicking it, that is not a healthy release of anger. The unhealthier people are, the unhealthier they generally deal with stress.Help is available.

Lemons – Unhealthy relationships often have at least one party who can’t seem to make lemonade out of life’s lemons. Maybe he or she has the wrong recipe. Or maybe the person is a bad cook. But assistance is needed in this department!

ABC’s of Unhealthy, Sad Relationships (continued)

2010-01-07T04:26:00.000-08:00

Devotional Void – A lack of commitment or ardent love can make for
unhappy relationships. Being friends or roommates is one thing. Being committed, loving soul mates is another. Being “in love” 24/7 doesn’t necessarily have to be a requirement, but being in a “loving” committed relationship can make the difference.

Enthusiasm Dwindles – If you don’t add in some spice once in awhile, you can get the same old, same old. Couples caught up in routines can lose that spark of enthusiasm; i.e. zest of life in their relationships if they forget to be spontaneous once in awhile or forget to flavor their relationship with fun, adventure, romance.

Forgiveness Void – No one is perfect. Mistakes are a part of life. Those unwilling or unable to forgive, can pretty much count on having more unhealthy relationships over time. Relationships based or growing on anger, spite, disgust, resentment or other negative feelings associated with lack of forgiveness are like wilted flowers. They need tending to or they’ll die.

Guise - Simulated relationships or those under the guise of having a solid, happy relationship are not destined for success, on the whole. Or rather false is as false does, as Forest Gump might say. Pretending wears thin and doesn’t last long.

Harm – Harmful thoughts, words and actions can sure lead to unhealthy relationships. An occasional outbreak during a stressful moment might be considered normal like swearing; i.e. if someone hasn’t been raped, battered (or other sever trauma has occurred) by the other party. However, harmful, violent actions such as those and repeated verbal negativity is abusive and not healthy in relationships – or life.

ABC’s of Unhealthy, Sad Relationships

2010-01-07T04:22:00.001-08:00

Unhealthy, Sad Relationships have some general notable characteristics in common. Here are some basic guidelines for reference. They are in alphabetical order only, not order of importance.

Avoidance – Many people in unhealthy relationships simply avoid facing reality. There are many reasons for this. For instance, deep down inside, the people involved may be trying to make themselves appear superior. Or perhaps they don’t want to face the fact that their mates really aren’t who they say they are. For example, Person A might cover up and make excuses for his mate, Person B, who is always late coming home from work and almost always misses family functions. Person A could be trying to avoid reality and make up excuses to cover up an affair that Person B is involved in so that it doesn’t destroy their “perfect image” in everyone’s eyes. Or Person A could be avoiding the fact that Person B is a workaholic.

Burnout – Although many can carry out romance throughout their entire relationships, the actual honeymoon period does have to end, in reality. And those who can keep the “love” fires burning, not 24 / 7 but off and on regularly during their relationship, have better chances of healthier relationships than those who suffer burnout and don’t know where to turn or who turn to unhealthy solutions. In short, every relationship has its highs and lows. During the low times, like maybe when one person begins to feel disillusioned with marriage, or maybe trapped, tired, helpless, depressed or let down, if this person reaches out to unhealthy alternatives, like getting a fake substitution – maybe seeking another mate in secret, getting “high,” or some other negative behavior, once-healthy relationships can suffer. Instead, the couple needs to face issues together; add some new goals to the relationship, do some fun things together more, talk more, etc.

Compatibility Issues – Opposites attract; or do they? Sure it’s great to have some “spice” in your life. But relationships are about getting your needs met – at least on some level. And constant negativity can certainly hinder intimacy. So those who have a difficult time focusing on what attracted them to their mates in the first place can suffer unhealthy, sad relationships, constantly in conflict over issues with which they can’t agree.

ABC’s of Unhealthy, Sad Relationships

2010-01-07T04:16:00.001-08:00

Unhealthy, Sad Relationships have some general notable characteristics in common. Here are some basic guidelines for reference. They are in alphabetical order only, not order of importance.

Avoidance – Many people in unhealthy relationships simply avoid facing reality. There are many reasons for this. For instance, deep down inside, the people involved may be trying to make themselves appear superior. Or perhaps they don’t want to face the fact that their mates really aren’t who they say they are. For example, Person A might cover up and make excuses for his mate, Person B, who is always late coming home from work and almost always misses family functions. Person A could be trying to avoid reality and make up excuses to cover up an affair that Person B is involved in so that it doesn’t destroy their “perfect image” in everyone’s eyes. Or Person A could be avoiding the fact that Person B is a workaholic.

Burnout – Although many can carry out romance throughout their entire relationships, the actual honeymoon period does have to end, in reality. And those who can keep the “love” fires burning, not 24 / 7 but off and on regularly during their relationship, have better chances of healthier relationships than those who suffer burnout and don’t know where to turn or who turn to unhealthy solutions. In short, every relationship has its highs and lows. During the low times, like maybe when one person begins to feel disillusioned with marriage, or maybe trapped, tired, helpless, depressed or let down, if this person reaches out to unhealthy alternatives, like getting a fake substitution – maybe seeking another mate in secret, getting “high,” or some other negative behavior, once-healthy relationships can suffer. Instead, the couple needs to face issues together; add some new goals to the relationship, do some fun things together more, talk more, etc.

Compatibility Issues – Opposites attract; or do they? Sure it’s great to have some “spice” in your life. But relationships are about getting your needs met – at least on some level. And constant negativity can certainly hinder intimacy. So those who have a difficult time focusing on what attracted them to their mates in the first place can suffer unhealthy, sad relationships, constantly in conflict over issues with which they can’t agree.

ABC's of Healthy, Happy Relationships (continued)

2010-01-05T04:07:00.000-08:00

Understanding – Happy, healthy couples try to understand each other even if it means joining a self-help group, reading library books about something foreign or unknown, or taking time to research and delve into an issue. In other words, take time to gain knowledge and wisdom before jumping the gun on something you may not really understand.

Violence – Violence is not welcome. Period. Don’t accept it. Don’t dish it out. Anger Management is not just a movie term today. There really is help out there if you or your mate needs it.

Warning Signs – Healthy people are generally alert to warning signs of trouble and head them. Denial isn’t part of their life.

X-Ray – Happy people in healthy relationships generally don’t look at each other as they look at x-rays. They don’t see close-ups of each flaw and character make up. They learn to look beyond the bare essentials and see the whole person.

Youthful Attitude– A youthful attitude can go far in relationships. Old outlooks can spawn resentment, skepticism and other negative connotations. A little dose of daily humor (reading comics, watching or listening to comedy, etc.) and keeping in touch with youth (church activities, neighborhood / social nonprofit functions and events, etc.) can help maintain a fresh, youthful outlook.

Zombie – Don’t go through life like you’re a zombie! It’s not up to your mate to fulfill your life. You need to take charge yourself!

ABC's of Healthy, Happy Relationships (continued)

2010-01-05T03:56:00.000-08:00

Parental Issues - Even the best of relationships deal with someone’s past parental issues from time to time. Counseling can help, yes, but something out of the blue can still trigger a parental issue that someone struggles to deal with regardless of age, it seems. In these cases, just realizing and stating that it’s normal, may never get resolved and is okay to move on, can work wonders – for both parties.

Quality – With hectic schedules, quality time is important. So even if you can only meet to watch a 30-minute comedy together every evening, make and keep that date. You’ll probably be especially glad you did when times get tough and have the wonderful memories to help get you by.

Respect – Respect not only each other, but each other’s property, friendships, time, job and …everything. Remember you are sharing life together and need to be courteous to one another and all the affects you.

Sharing – Likewise share and don’t be stingy. “You reap what you sow,” and “You can’t take it with you” when you die, as the sayings go.

Trust – Healthy relationships involve people who trust one another. One person doesn’t get involved in unhealthy risks with a third party or lie to the other. There is an open, positive exchange of trust. So if this is lacking, seek help from a professional counselor, if necessary, and see what’s wrong.

ABC's of Healthy, Happy Relationships (continued)

2010-01-04T03:59:00.000-08:00

Keep in Touch – Don’t let life separate you too long. With technology today, you can stay in touch with cell phones and email. No need to overdo it and be obsessive and controlling, but do stay in touch off and on throughout the day with quick “Hellos” and “How are things going?”

Lemonade – Make lemonade out of those relationship lemons. And “yes” there will be some, since life is not perfect! For example, when your partner is late and you miss a movie date or restaurant reservation, don’t make it a night of terror and destroy what’s left when you finally do get together. Do something else instead, like relax at home with a video and scented candles, and order subs (and lemonade!)

Make the Honeymoon Last – Remember how your felt when you first got together? Do those little things that you did at the beginning and make the honeymoon last. Bring home fresh flowers, shut off the television, turn on some music and dance with your mate, compliment your mate, make dates to go to places you used to frequent (the old neighborhood pizza parlor, a local drive in, a hotel you went to on your honeymoon, etc.)

Nuts and Bolts – Don’t focus so much on the “nuts and bolts” of who said what, when, how often and why they were wrong…. In other words, sometimes during an argument, try losing your memory of who did what, when and how many times in the past. Instead, humble yourself, apologize for having messed up and hug your mate!

Open – Open windows when doors close. If you feel you’ve been pushed to the limit and don’t want to try one more time, close the door on that angle of the issue. Take a walk, get some ice cream and cool off (literally). Then return relaxed and refreshed, and open a window to air differences.

ABC's of Healthy, Happy Relationships (continued)

2010-01-04T03:33:00.000-08:00

Goals - People usually have some goals together over time. Develop some together. Toss what no longer works, what you outgrew or what may no longer seem important or is finished. And then inherit or create new goals. Working toward a common cause like saving for an annual vacation or a new garden area can help people grow together.

Health – Take care of your own health and encourage others, too. Even in this day and age of cable television with movies and the Internet available 24 / 7, it’s still amazing the number of people out there who can’t “Just say no” to unhealthy behaviors like smoking and drug abuse. Don’t be afraid to share your healthy views and encourage healthy choices and living.

Intimacy – Closeness with a person takes time to develop. And there’s more to intimacy than physical contact. Intimacy can mean a hug during a tough time, a smile of encouragement in the face of adversity and compassion when you least feel like giving. Don’t abuse or take advantage or the other person. And don’t let yourself be abused or taken advantage of. Intimacy takes commitment and sharing.

Just say no – You don’t always have to be voiceless or agree with someone in a relationship. Be able to say, “No” and be an individual, too.

ABC's of Healthy, Happy Relationships (continued)

2010-01-04T03:21:00.000-08:00

Dependable – Be a friend; i.e. be dependable. Things happen from time to time and cancellations are a part of life. But on the whole, if you say you’ll do something, do it. Take responsibility for your own actions.

Expectations – Movies, romance novels and television shows often portray life, especially human relationships, very differently than it is in the real world – this is no secret. How many people really always look like movie stars, have zero health ailments, endless income without hardly ever going to work, fabulous cars and homes, friends and family who totally adore them and come to their beckon call, no long-term problems because they all end so quickly, etc.? And who can battle serious issues like one person having an affair with someone else, and wrap the whole storyline up in two hours? Get real. Expect a little less than the media portray and learn more about humans by joining the real world scenario.

Flexible - Keep a little mystery in the relationship. Juggle your schedule and invite the other person to a surprise picnic or walk at a local public park area.
Goals - People usually have some goals together over time. Develop some together. Toss what no longer works, what you outgrew or what may no longer seem important or is finished. And then inherit or create new goals. Working toward a common cause like saving for an annual vacation or a new garden area can help people grow together.

ABC's of Healthy, Happy Relationships

2009-12-28T04:52:00.000-08:00

For Healthy, Happy Relationships, here are some basic guidelines for reference. They are in alphabetical order only, not order of importance.

Acceptance – Don’t try to change someone. This is a must. If a person really wants to change, that person will need to be motivated and take action. Period. Also regarding acceptance, accept limitations. He is not Superman; you are not Wonder woman. No one is perfect; so do not expect perfection. Accept the little flaws that come with each person. You accept theirs; they accept yours. That’s life!

Bonding – Bonding with another person generally does take time. Communicate – talk, listen, share the good and the bad, ask questions, compliment instead of nag or insult. In short be a friend; make a friend. That is healthy. If this bonding is lacking, it may mean professional help is needed (like a counselor or therapist) or it may be time to move on to healthier relationships.

Communications – Be open to the other person. Check judgmental attitudes at the door. And give chances. Be fair, flexible and friendly. If and when things get out of hand and it is your fault, apologize and ask forgiveness and move on. Similarly, be acceptable to apologies and grant forgiveness, too. Life is too short to stay focused on the negative too long. No need to deny it; face it, deal with it and move on past it to improve and strengthen your relationships.

Ingredient For A Healthy Relationship :Support And Co-Operation

2009-12-28T04:43:00.000-08:00

Relationships may begin with just two people, but more people eventually become involved. Work friends and associates, family members, old school chums and various other assorted persons interact daily, so gaining the support and cooperation in working towards a common goal is a plus in relationship building.

To put this into perspective, we can look at John and Mary again. If John gets along fine with Mary, but can’t be in a room for 10 minutes with her dad or the rest of her family and friends, the relationship will probably eventually bottom out; i.e. not grow. However, if John can help build some type of relationship with them as Mary does, like joining and participating in a holiday meal celebration, that is a plus and can help build and grow a more solid relationship.

In summary, by learning to use more of these “nuts and bolts” of relationship building, focusing on some of these basic techniques can help build and grow relationships. More can be learned about each technique by simply heading to the local library or typing in the technique into your favorite search engine. Forget that, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” saying. We’re not dogs. And humans CAN learn – at any age!

Ingredient For A Healthy Relationship :Fundamental Of Finesse

2009-12-28T04:38:00.000-08:00

Basically using finesse in handling relationships means use subtle skill, tact or diplomacy when handling a situation. This doesn’t mean you need to use fancy, flowery phrases or lengthy 10-letter words or anything. It means focusing on the positive in a friendly way, and not embarrassing the other person.

For instance, finesse means not telling a host that he or she has body odor or that his or her house is looks and smells like a trash dump. Instead, it means politely excusing yourself upon entering, and informing the host of an unplanned meeting that came up or family member who dropped by unexpectedly, and that you wanted to drop by for a quick “Hello” to thank the host for the invitation before rushing off to your appointment. Keep things simple here, smile and think, “James Bond” with that English gentleman concept.

Conflict Resolution
How do you handle conflicts? If you can put your ego aside pretty much and try to keep friction to a minimum, your relationships should move along fairly smoothly. Where you feel disagreement, if you can “agree” to disagree on certain things with the other party involved, that will help, too. In short, conflict resolution means to pretty much deal with others as you would want them to deal with you.

For example, let’s look at fictitious John and Mary, out on their first date at a restaurant. A drunk man passes by their table and accidentally spills Mary’s glass of water. John gets upset and says something along the lines of, “That makes me mad! I hate drunks. They should all be put in jail.”

Mary, on the other hand, who has an alcoholic father (unknown as this point to John), may feel embarrassed and saddened by John’s revelation and get quiet, giving only brief “yes” or “no” answers from that point on.

Hopefully, John picks up on this. He can use finesse and conflict resolution and say, “Mary, I’m sorry for my outburst and really didn’t mean that. Actually, a drunk driver caused an accident that I read about recently, and I’d really like to learn about alcoholism and understand it more.”

A statement like this could help ease the conversation into a more productive stage. Then instead of having an argument about social versus addictive drinking and possibly ending or breaking up the relationship because of conflict, the relationship between two people could actually develop a little farther along or deepen. And John and Mary could both learn more about each other and broaden their
perspectives in the process.

Ingredient For A Healthy Relationship:Developing Rapport

2009-12-23T04:57:00.000-08:00

Now let’s take a quick peak at the basics of developing rapport with others. In a nutshell, what it takes is to ask questions, have a positive, open attitude, encourage an open exchange of communications (both verbal and unspoken), listen to verbal and unspoken communications and share positive feedback. Here are a few details on each step.

Ask Questions – Building report is similar to interviewing someone for a job opening or it can be like a reporter seeking information for an article. Relax and get to know the other person with a goal of finding common ground or things of interest. You can begin by simply commenting on the other person’s choice of attire, if in person, or about their computer, if online, and following up with related questions. For example, in person, you could compliment the other person on their color choice and or maybe a pin, ring or other piece of jewelry and ask where it came from. In online communications, you could compliment the other person’s font, smile faces or whatever they use, mention that the communication style seems relaxed and ask if he or she writes a lot. Then basically follow up, steering clear of topics that could entice or cause arguing, while gradually leading the person to common ground you’d like to discuss.

Attitude – have a positive attitude and leave social labels at home (or
in a drawer, if you’re at home). Many people can tell instantly if you have a negative attitude or if you feel superior. So treat other people as you would like to be treated. And give each person a chance.

Open Exchange – Do encourage others to share with you. Some people are shy, scared or inexperienced in communicating and welcome an opportunity to share. So both with body language and verbal communication invite an exchange. Face the other person with your arms open, eyes looking into theirs gently (not glaring or staring), and encourage a conversation with a warm smile.

Listen – Be an active listener. Don’t focus your thoughts on what YOU will say next. Listen to what the other person is saying and take your clues from there, while also noting the body language. For example, if the other person folds his arms and sounds upset, you may need to change the subject or let him have some space and distance; maybe even try approaching him later on and excusing yourself to go make a phone call (of head to the buffet table or somewhere to escape). On the other hand, if the other person is leaning towards you, following your every word and communicating with your as if you were old friends, BINGO. You’ve built rapport!

Share – People like compliments. So hand them out freely without over doing it. Leaving a nice part of yourself like a compliment is a good memory for the other person to recall - -numerous times. That’s good rapport. But do be sincere! False compliments aren’t easily disguised.

Ingredient For A Healthy Relationship:Reading People

2009-12-23T04:39:00.000-08:00

Body language is the meaning behind the words or the “unspoken” language. Surprisingly, studies show that only up to an estimated 10 percent of our communication is verbal. The majority of the rest of communication is unspoken. This unspoken language isn’t rocket science. However, there are some generalizations or basic interpretations that can be applied to help with the understanding or translating of these unspoken meanings. Here are some basics below.

Smile – People like warm smiles. Think of a heartfelt warm-fussy, maybe your favorite pet, and smile.

Eyes - -If you don’t look someone in the eyes while speaking, this can be interpreted as dishonesty or hiding something. Likewise, shifting eye movement or rapid changing of focus/direction can translate similarly. If more than one person is present in a group, look each person in the eye as you speak, slowly turning to face the next person and acknowledge him or her with eye contact as well. Continue on so that each person has felt your warm, trusting glance. Some suggest beginning with one person and moving clockwise around the group so that no one is missed, and so that you are not darting around, seemingly glaring at people.

Attention Span / Attitude – Other people can tell what type attitude you have by your attention span. If you quickly lose focus of the other person and what is being said, and if your attention span wanders, this shows through and makes you seem disinterested, bored, possibly even uncaring.

Attention Direction – If you sit or stand so that you are blocking another in the party, say someone is behind you, this can be interpreted as rude or thoughtless. So be sure to turn so that everyone is included in the conversation or angle of view, or turn gently, at ease and slowly, while talking, so that everyone is incorporated, recognized and involved in the conversation. Again some suggest the clockwise movement when working a group.

Arms Folded / Legs Crossed– This can be seen as defensive or an end to the conversation. So have arms hang freely or hold a glass of water, a business card or note taking instruments while communicating with others. Be open with open arms. Note: If you need to cross legs, cross at your ankles and not your knees. Sitting tightly folded up says that you are closed to communications.

Head Shaking – This is fairly accurate. If people are shaking their heads while you speak, they are in agreement. If they are shaking, “no,” disagreement reigns in their minds.

Space / Distance – On the whole, people like their own personal body space. Give people room and keep out of their space. Entering to close can be intrusive and viewed as aggressive.

Leaning – Sitting or standing, leaning is viewed as interest. In other words, an interested listener leans toward the speaker.

Note others’ body language – While you are with others, note how their bodies read. If a person suddenly folds his arms across his chest and begins shaking his head “no,” you’ve probably lost him. Might try taking a step back and picking up where the conversation began this turn for the negative and regroup. It’s all about strategic planning!

The Concept Of Dating And Relationship

2009-12-23T04:25:00.000-08:00

Let’s take a peak at some of the more common concepts above “love” relationships and see if they are myths or based upon reality.

“All we need is love.” Myth or not? Since love does seem to be able to overcome anything and everything, at least on television and at the movies, this seems like a reality. However, truth is, making relationships work takes skill and hard work, regardless of the “love” factor. This is a myth here.

Just like in fairy tales, once true love is found, people live happily ever after. Truth or myth? Granted couples can look into each other’s eyes and have those warm fuzzy feelings. However, truth is, all couples will have their ups and downs. “Happily ever after” seems to imply a perfect, problem-less relationship when in reality, those don’t exist.

It has to be “love at first sight” in order to work long-term. Myth or truth? While this can be true for some, it certainly doesn’t have to be for all couples in long-term relationships. Many people grow together over time.

Since practically anyone can learn the nuts and bolts of relationship building, focusing on some basic techniques that can be learned is a must. The main ones, in no particular order, are:

- Read: “Read” people well.
- Rapport: Develop rapport with others well.
- Finesse: Have some finesse; i.e. handle conversations and activities in a cordial manner
- Conflict Resolution: Resolve negative issues and conflicts without too much friction
- Support Co-Op: Gain the support and cooperation in working towards a common goal

Let’s take a little closer look at each and what learning is involved.

How Do You Know When You Are In The Right Relationship?

2009-12-21T05:09:00.000-08:00

One of the best ways to know if the relationship you are currently in is right for you would be for you to read through the list of “how to know when you should leave the relationship you’re in” given below.

If you see that none of these characteristics apply to your relationship, you need worry about it at all!

• You and Your Partner Support Each Other in Who You Currently ARE: If both you and your partner can be flawless in each other’s eyes, then that is a wonderful beginning. However, the flawlessness depends on how much you care about that individual. If you can say that you support your partner in whatever she/he does because you care about them, then you are undoubtedly in the perfect relationship. But if you say that you support your partner because you could not really be bothered, then you have a problem and your relationship needs serious reconsideration.

• You and Your Partner Do Not Dread Change in Each Other; In Fact, You Encourage Each Other’s Growth: When your relationship sustains itself on love and reverence, you trust your partner’s development. You realize that it is natural for human nature to constantly develop, produce and convey. As you watch your partner’s gradual evolution, you fall in love even more. You are intrigued when you encounter aspects that you feel might be good growth opportunities for your lover.

• Both of You Have Strong Friendships Outside of Your Relationship: You both must constantly meet and interact with new individuals. When your partner meets a new interesting person, you should be excited that you are friends with yet another worthwhile person.

• You Trust Your Partner to Act in the Best Interest of Your Relationship: Decisions need to be taken consistently. Each of your choices should support the others, and allow your decision to be mutual. When tough choices need to be taken, you should both discuss the options frankly and assist each other to arrive at the decision which seems best to both of you.

• There Has to Be a Sexual Chemistry Between You and Your Partner: You should always divide your time so that your career or personal life does not get in each other’s ways. As much as it is important to stay focused on your work, you should always reserve time for the physical aspect of your relationship. It is a very important aspect and even if you find yourself not being able to devote time to it, there must always be a possibility of it happening. More importantly, you should be looking forward to that.

• You Must have Intimacy on a Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Level, and Other Levels as Well if You Choose to Acknowledge Them: As time elapses, both of you get know each other intimately. You learn to respect and approve of each other as living beings. You discover your partner’s likes and dislikes on intimate emotional levels— what gives them joy, what problems they are trying to sort out— and you reinstate the good, and strive to assist them in their attempts to surmount whatever difficult things they are dealing with.

It can be seen that the catalog of things that make a relationship the “right” one is incidentally a lot shorter than the list for the factors that tell you when you’re NOT in the right relationship.

The list of aspects for the “NOT” article could go on forever, but it is very simple to decide on which factors make a relationship the right one. When you are in the right relationship, you have a steady foundation that creates your base throughout the dynamic of how you involve yourself with your partner. Additionally, and more significantly, it will feel right.

You will know it is right because you will not be in conflict with yourself all the time anymore; you will notice the remarkable peace and confidence within yourself when you are with your lover. When you are in the right relationship, just being in the company of your partner reinstates your self-identity and your purpose for which you survive in the cosmos. If you realize you’re not in the perfect relationship, do not lose heart.

This world is full of amazing people and surely one of them will be absolutely perfect for you. If your relationship does not seem right, be on your own and figure out what you want to achieve on your own. The success of your finding the right match depends on the level of honesty you have with yourself.

When Are You Ready To Move Onto A New Relationship?

2009-12-21T05:06:00.000-08:00

A breakup is painful and difficult to deal with on so many levels. The end of a close relationship, an intimate friendship, the dreams that were shared with the significant other are just few things which are lost. When are you really ready to move on to a new relationship without the trauma of the past relation?

You may reflect on some of these points:

1. Your significant other from the past no longer occupies your thoughts constantly. You cannot move ahead with a new person if you are mentally focused on someone else. During a breakup your main thoughts are occupied by the ex – what could have happened, what if things were somehow different, and what if you had not made a mistake, what if there was something you should have said? Once these thoughts of past relationship have been slowly died it will no longer be the primary force in your life.

2. You no longer get all worked up and upset when dealing with your ex. There will surely come a time, when dealing with your ex will become easier and much less emotional. You will be dealing with just another annoying person.

3. You have stopped trying to please your ex. Once a breakup has occurred all obligations to please are over. You no longer do the special things you used to do for them. Favors like washing the car or doing the laundry are no longer obligatory.

4. Your conversations with friends do not include your ex anymore. We all tend to think and speak about the most important things in our lives, if you are no longer talking about your ex it means you can move on.

5. The romantic feelings are all gone. We all harbor feelings towards our ex just after a breakup. When they subside it means you have recovered considerably.

6. You can accept the fact that your ex may have a new romantic partner. There is not a feeling of jealousy because the emotional tie has worn off.

7. You no longer get angry at your ex. During a breakup one feels intensely angry. When former partners no longer evoke anger, one has become detached emotionally.

You must wait and reflect till you get over some of these feelings and attachments. Everyone goes through them and it's only natural. One must be hopeful and have a positive approach to life.

The Two Most Important Things For a Happy Relationship

2009-12-14T04:58:00.000-08:00

One of the most valuable things you can do for your relationship is to simplify it in your own mind. All too often we can get so caught up a room full of smoke and mirrors that we stop seeing what's really happening, we stop being able to distinguish between things which are truly important and stuff which just doesn't matter at all. In this article the aim is to kick start that process in your mind and to attain some clarity about the state of your relationship by looking at the two most important elements.

The first foundation is that you should share a genuine friendship with your partner and this is very easy to recognize. Simply recall in your mind how you behave and feel when in the company of your own circle of friends, either female or male, it doesn't matter. You'll recall how you laugh a lot and enjoy being with them, you enjoy going places with them and sharing life experiences. Somehow everything just seems more fun when you go someplace or do some activity with your friends. Now, is this how you also feel with your partner? To what extent do you feel that with your partner? This is easiest way to measure the current strength of friendship you enjoy in your relationship.

Secondly you need to be able to meet each others core needs. If either party feels that their needs are not being adequately met they will feel unsatisfied and eventually leave. The important things here is to begin by knowing your own needs and secondly be able to communicate them to your partner. You must also be willing to do the same for your partner in return, learn what their needs are and set about trying your best to meet them. You list of needs should be no more than the 6 most important, get thinking about them today.

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Relationships Are Hard Work!

2009-12-14T04:45:00.000-08:00

We have all seen it happen before. It probably has happened to each of us. We know two people who everyone thinks are just perfect for each other. Then what seems like out of the blue they suddenly break up. The explanation given by one of the partners is that it just got too hard. They believe that a relationship should not be that much work. Well, this might be true, but it really depends on your definition and feelings about work.

The reality is relationships do require work. They probably require more work than any other endeavor you may pursue in your entire life. But the kind of work relationships require is more along the lines of effort: caring and consistent effort on the part of both partners. It should a purposeful effort on your part to build and sustain the relationship.

You should take the advice that people give when someone is looking for a new job. They tell them to find something they love and then it won't feel like "work". This couldn't be more true when it comes to relationships. If you truly love the person you are with, then the effort you put into the relationship won't feel like work. Also, just like in the situation of a job, your chances of being successful at maintaining a long lasting relationship are greater if you are with someone you love and care about. If you are, then get ready to roll up your sleeves and get to work. The results will be well worth it.

Want to know the magic to building and maintaining a successful relationship? CLICK HERE http://www.chace1.com. Kay Michaels is a freelance author who focuses on family and relationship issues.

Relationship - We Attract What We Are Ready For

2009-12-14T04:39:00.000-08:00

We attract what we are ready for. What that really means is that the more time and effort we put into being the kind of person we want to be the healthier our relationships become. When I coach people to take action and expand their sense of themselves they begin to attract new people into their lives and their current relationships become more rewarding.

Recently I coached a woman who had had a number of disappointing relationships and much conflict with her co-workers. She worked hard at strengthening her sense of self by taking positive action steps. As her confidence increased she began to expect more from the people around her. No longer would she put up with emotional abuse and manipulation. By learning better relationship skills she indeed began attracting positive people into her life and was able to resolve conflicts with co-workers.

In time she began meeting people who appreciated her and she she let go of people who were trying to pull her back. She found that she had strengths that she had not even known she had.

This is what happens when one seriously starts working on upgrading oneself. Your sense of who you are changes. You form an invisible boundary around yourself to which you are the gatekeeper. It puts you in charge of whom you let in and who stays out. The result is that your self confidence grows and you feel in charge of your own life.

By working on self-mastery you indeed attract what you are ready for. We form relationships based on emotional compatibility. It follows that as we increase our emotional fitness we will attract someone who is emotionally in a similar place.

And now I invite you to visit http://www.growwithkristina.com to claim your free recharge your life/renew your spirit report.

Kristina von Rosenvinge teaches people how to develop their self-growth and enhance their relationships in order to be leaders in both their personal and business lives.

How You Can Build Lasting Relationships Right Now

2009-12-09T03:27:00.000-08:00

Building long lasting relationships is the key to a successful and fulfilled life. Every time we interact with people we need to be able to communicate. Through communicating socially we are able to build lasting relationships.There is a need to build trust and integrity with individuals in order to develop lasting relationships.

When we meet someone for the first time we will begin by creating a rapport with them.We need to make them feel comfortable with us and get them to put their trust in us. Our presence should make the individual feel relaxed and at ease. So to build a lasting relationship the individual must feel secure in your presence. This will take place through the way you communicate with this person.

Being able to communicate well with people can boost your confidence and self esteem. To become a effective communicator you will have to monitor your habits and behaviours and be consistent in trying to communicate naturally. Once you start to practice your communication skills you will see the results develop. Over time this will become a natural way for you to communicate, you will find that it becomes a part of your life.

To be able to create a lasting impression in working relationships, you must be able to communicate well and with ease. Your confidence should be able to show through your body language. It takes a few seconds for people to form a judgment about you, so it is imperative to be able to get respected in the few minutes of meeting.

To become an impressive communicator we need to acquire a few skills. We will need to identify what makes a good conversation. It is through building a rapport and using positive body language we are able to build a connection with the individual. Once we know that the the person feels comfortable with our connection we will know that our communication is of trust and integrity.

Our body language and eye contact plays an important role in our communication. The tone of our voice can influence the outcome of a conversation. For example, if your tone of voice is calm, relaxed and soothing people will feel comfortable around you. If you are loud and arrogant it will have the opposite affect.

To be able to hold an effective conversation and communicate well we need to believe in ourselves. We need to be confident to be able to reassure people that we are trustworthy and friendly. Thus build lasting relationships.

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Relationship Advice - Build Trust in a Relationship

2009-12-09T03:16:00.000-08:00

Depending on the circumstances building trust in a relationship may be very difficult. When trust is broken, especially after an affair it may require a great amount of time to gain that trust back, but it is not an insurmountable task. A truthful and well meaning apology needs to be given and then steps need to be taken to regain that person's trust once again.

Regardless of the situation every relationship needs the trust of both partners to survive. Sharing your life with someone you don't trust would be a very difficult thing to do. Steps can be undertaken to build a common reliance and assure that you both share the same relationship values.

Little things mean a lot; your words must be backed up with matching actions. If you are supposed to be home at a certain hour it would be a very good idea to be there at that time. A quick call home may be all that is necessary to defuse a potentially harmful situation. Building trust in a relationship doesn't have to be that difficult.

Your partner needs to know in their own mind that you are always truthful in your every action. Those who are prone to lying to cover their tracks find that one lie always leads to another. When your partner hears you telling lies to others even if they are petty in nature it leaves a lasting impression in their minds that may be very difficult to erase. Telling the truth may not be the easiest thing to do but it is certainly the safest.

Harboring secrets of your past or present activities may be a sure fire way to bring on distrust especially if there is even a remote chance that they may be discovered in the future. Anything that could potentially harm your relationships future needs to be discussed before a relationship turns to a serious nature.

When learning how to build trust in a relationship you have to remember to give trust before you can expect it in return. Constantly harassing your partner about every thing they do and every place they go may leave them wondering if you may be hiding something yourself.

All relationships even those of long standing will have rocky spots and unpleasant things will eventually arise. Learning how to roll with the punches and acquiring the ability to defuse difficulties before they reach the point of no return will make your relationship stand up through thick and thin.

When things really bother you discuss these things with your mate, just remember that every little thing that your partner does may not require a full blown investigation and always remember that trust is a must or your relationship will be a bust.

Learning how to build trust in a relationship comes easy for some. For others relationships are extremely difficult to keep on track. When you are having difficulties that may require just a little bit more advice, that advice is not that far away CLICK HERE and discover a guaranteed fool proof way to end your relationship difficulties forever.

Romantic Things to Do to Keep Your Relationship Alive and Exciting

2009-12-09T03:06:00.001-08:00

A relationship is something that needs to be worked on. No relationship will be exciting and alive without both partners putting in effort. The only way to keep a relationship exciting is to ensure that you regularly dose it with romance.

Romance is not always about sex. It also means that you can love, laugh, and be happy and intimate. By being romantic, you end up showing your partner how much you love and care for them. This will bring your closer.

So, here are some romantic things that you can do to keep your relationship alive and exciting.

• Know what you partner likes. This is important in any relationship. This way you can get your partner things that he or she like and surprise them. For instance, if your partner loves chocolates, buy a box of chocolates and surprise them. It could be flowers, music, a day in a health spa or tickets to a ball game.

• Any romantic gesture that you show does not have to be big. It is romantic to just sit together a share a bowl of pop corn. Or, you can hug your partner or give him or her a foot massage. Learn to do and say small things once in a way to show your love and appreciation.

• Another romantic thing that you can do is take your partner to the same place for a date where you first met, or where you first proposed. The place will hold a lot of significance for both and will evoke old and happy memories.

If you think you are not romantic, think twice. The first thing that you need to do is change your way of thinking. Remember romance is all about showing and expressing your love and there are many ways to do this. You just need to find the time and will to be romantic.

About Author:
Pauline Go is an online leading expert in dating industry. He also offers top quality articles like:Spirituality VS Sexuality, Finding Your Soulmate

15 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting into a Long Term Relationship

2009-12-05T03:03:00.000-08:00

If you are or have been in a long term relationship, you would be well conversant with the pains and pleasures involved. There are moments of happiness interspersed with bouts of doubt and difference of opinions between you and your partner. It has been seen that the in first few months or may be even in the first few years the couple are blissfully happy. They are head over heels in love with each other and cannot find any flaw in their mate however hard they try.

When in a relationship, we badly try to rediscover ourselves. The questions like, “why we exist?”, “for whom do we exist?”, “does that person actually deserve me or do I deserve him/her?” keep gnawing at our existence. Also, the very thought of getting united with that person seems to cast us into perpetual tension and we spend sleepless nights trying to find an answer. The challenge before us is whether we would be able to put up with that person all are life or vice versa.

If you plan to be in a long term relationship, you need to do a good groundwork. It takes years to make a relationship work. At the very beginning, you should be clear about what you want from your partner and what you think you can do for him/her.

Take time and develop the optimum amount of trust that is required to make your relationship work. Compassion is another essential element which you need to feel for your partner, but that would take time. Thus, it’s important to spend quality time with that person.

The very thought of being with this same person all your life might frighten you but give yourself time to review things and then, decide accordingly. Given below are a few questions that you need to ask yourself before getting into a long term relationship.

1. Are you both compatible? Are you ready to adjust to his/her and mindset?

2. Does the person you plan to spend your life with acknowledge, appreciate and respect your dreams?

3. Are you willing to accept his/her family and whether they would be creating havoc or not?
4. Will you be disclosing to him/her your much coveted secrets?

5. Do you completely trust your mate?

6. Will he/she be smothering?

7. Will you be able to retain your individual identity even after marriage?

8. Would you be able to arise upon a joint consensus about how many kids you want?

9. Do you both have similar takes on how you would like to bring your child up and the disciplinary measures that you plan to adopt?

10. Will you be having separate bank accounts or a joint account?

11. How do you plan to manage your finances?

12. Who would be doing the housework?

13. Who would pay the bills?

14. Which one of you would be doing the grocery shopping and cooking?

15. Would you need to cut down on the time you spend with your close friends now?

If you are able to find an answer to these questions, sit down and plan out things with your partner and your relationship will automatically unfold in course of time and trace its path.

Time Factor In A Relationship

2009-12-05T02:56:00.000-08:00

You have a perfect relationship. You are always together and comfortable with the arrangement. However time factor can become a pertinent issue of contest between partners. One man states that other than the school and work schedule, him and his partner do all other work together. He has to neglect his obligations because his partner gets upset if she has to timeshare with other hobbies, where as she gets all the time for her works when the guy is in school.

This man hardly gets time for himself. Obviously the man will feel that his partner is being unfair. Thus, time factors should be dealt with early enough before it becomes a persistent problem.

It should be realized first that both of you require time out for yourselves. Otherwise there will be some resentment which will result in argument and friction. Time factor is critical and any relationship that doesn’t allow that is going to disintegrate. Look at the broader picture with you partner and understand each other’s needs. There is nothing bad in wanting personal space.

Communication must occur in a meaningful and loving manner. Make sure this discussion does not go the wrong way and yield negative result. Communication is the best solution to any problem. Bottled up anger will explode some day and disintegrate the relationship.

While discussing time alone offer assurance to your partner. Emphasize on the time spent together and appreciate it as your best moments together. Quietly explain to your partner that if you spend time alone then the time spent together will be sweeter and something to look forward to.

Tell her you genuinely miss her when you are away from her but you need the time alone to focus on yourself. Encourage her to take time out to focus on herself as well. Do be cautious while discussing time factor in relationship.

Schedule your time alone to put the time factor in relationship to an end. Be realistic and establish a regular routine of time apart. It doesn’t matter what you do in this time alone. Whether it’s studying, perusing a hobby or running errands. Be confident and fearless. Remember it’s for the benefit of the relationship.

Let your partner express her feelings if she is resisting the notion of time alone. There might be some underlying deeper issues at the bottom of her heart and that is why she doesn’t want you to go out of sight.

The Compatibility Factor

2009-12-01T04:28:00.000-08:00

It is usually taken for granted for too long. You have perhaps also overlooked its foreseeable powers and always forgot to read the signs on the road. That road you were planning to travel along with your partner has again become foggy and doesn’t show any sign of clearance. And everything you have experienced so far is a farce and a mistake.

It is human nature to forget emotional beatings from past relationships, put aside the anxieties one has been through and erase the feeling of dysfunction and inadequacy as one moves from one relationship to the other wishing a better result and more stability. It’s understandable you want to start fresh from ground zero. But are you the fly which enters the trap of Venus flycatcher thinking it can escape from it unharmed?

You must be crazy to think that way.

Learn from your past and take the necessary precaution before taking the first step. No body gets away with the ups and downs of a new relationship. You have experienced it before but every time you look for a partner you put down your guards and land up in the same place. Grow up; haven’t you got your share of drama queens? Uncaring guys using you like a ball? Codependent individuals who are unable to sustain them and drag you down along with their life?

How about hooking up with someone who really cares about you? Can you visualize spending time with someone who respects you and takes part in your daily activities? You would love to live with someone who blindly believes in your vision of the future.

It does take time. No one can give you a hundred percent guarantee that you will find someone with cent percent compatibility. We must first understand that none of us will reach that perfection ourselves where we can sit and expect some one that perfect. Let’s face it; a perfect soul mate doesn’t come in a Cracker Jack box.

Compatibility issues are common to a lot of relationships. Too many people take the plunge without realizing that their relationship is on a blink. A lot of them forget to communicate with each other and collectively stay patient to make it work. Compatibility issues often deal with arguments about simple things.

Attitude problem and negative emotions form an impenetrable wall of silence. You must have the desire to stay or walk out. Your desire of staying together is most important.

10 Tips To Know If You're Ready For A Relationship

2009-12-01T04:26:00.000-08:00

1. The first thing you need to be is to be ready to have some fun with somebody. Nobody wants to be with a boring person, so be ready to enjoy a relationship.

2. Understand that you need to be in a different relationship than the past ones you had. Remember they failed; you don't want to repeat that. Don't stick with something because it was fun, if you just want a repetition you are not being open for newer things to happen!

3. Make sure you keep your exes out of your mind and whatever you did together. Your new date is not going to be the same and that is both good and bad. Accept this quickly and get ready for something new!

4. Be patient and wait for the right person to drop in to, remember you might want to spend the rest of your life with him or her. You just cannot make it happen instantly. Most people find that person when they least expect it.

5. Be a positive and upbeat person. Nobody wants to be with an intensely negative person. Positive vibes definitely attract. Be comfortable the way you are and you'll see things just get better!

6. If you suffer from the most common syndrome everybody has – thinking they don't look good enough then change that look! A person has who low self esteem because of his looks finds someone who actually likes that look, you don't want to go changing right away!!

7. Think practically. If your job is taking all your time then wait for the right time to get into a relationship. If you are just beginning a career then you are probably not ready for a relationship.

8. You will not be able to hide your bad habits for a long time. So scrutinize yourself properly, your significant other will point them out to you soon enough, and you don't want to get angry, do you?!

9. Try and understand what it was in the previous relationship what could not survive long term, from both sides. It's not about being right or wrong, you just need to be aware because the same things might come up again.

10. Remember that there is another person who will have an equal say for the relationship to actually work. The other person should be respected and treated nicely, don't doom your relationships by disrespecting the other person.

When Is The Right Time To Be With Someone?

2009-11-28T07:10:00.000-08:00

The most important decision that affects the happiness of a person is finding the right partner for life and that too at the right time. The level of perception of a person obviously influences his/her choice of partner. It is vital to take the proper step at the proper time and not hesitate while making such an important decision. One must keep in mind the fact that time is short.

The subsequent points listed help to find out for certain whether one is ready for a relationship or not.

1. You must have monetary security.

2. You must be perceptive enough to understand the significant crossroads that life may present and be wise, experienced and confident enough to tackle them.

3. Your emotion and reason must be in agreement when you decide it is time for you to share your private space with someone. Research has shown that maximum number of divorces occur due to indifference of one or both the partners towards one another. Being interested in your partner is vital for a perfect balance in the relationship.

4. The fact that you are ready to take on the complete responsibility of another person and that you are ready to rely on this same person for support is a pointer to the fact that you are ready for a relationship.

5. Your consciousness about the desire for a family and family planning policy regarding this basic urge shows that you are ready for a relationship.

6. The appropriate age for men is between 25-35 years. For women, the most apt age is in the range of 20-28 years.

7. There is also a physical need for being with someone. But if you have not felt the desire to be with anyone at all then there must be some emotional issue.

8. One of the most important facet of the decision in choosing a partner is the abundance of option that one has in the matter. You have to be aware of all the people you find interesting. This awareness of your interests naturally makes it easy to avoid potential debacle.

Friends, family, neighbors and the amazing sights and sounds of the great wide world full of possibilities await one if only one makes the effort to appreciate. But one only notices all the variety and beauty when one is in love. Only a soul mate who can share your experience makes everything worthwhile.

It is only the perfect partner who can get rid of the despondency of loneliness and lead you to a life of joy and happiness.

Choosing Your Relationship Challenges

2009-11-28T07:07:00.000-08:00

No matter how hard you try to block the fact out, all relationships are not meant to last. The ‘happily ever after’ is only limited to fairy tales, and not real life at least not always at the first go. Thousands of minute factors all work against and break it up, despite our best efforts to make it work.

The only way one can accept this truth is if thy com out of their fairytale worlds and believe in Conscious Mating. And this is the best way to avoid a major pain in the end. While some problems can be tackled trough discussions and sittings, some others cannot. This is natural and not exclusive to your relationship. So it is in this pre commitment phase that one must analyze the level of problems and try either to solve them or decide to part.

So, it is this time, when you are not yet in wed lock and free to easily go your own way, to make a non-judgmental and practical choice. It sounds difficult, and it probably is, but it will reduce a lot of unnecessary hassle later on. So identify what you and your partner want from this relationship and how much you have in common, now that the ideal romantic phase is long past.

Accordingly make the choice and keep to it, to prevent all the good memories acquired, being lost amongst all the bitter fights later on. So be practical and sort out matters now and be happy later knowing if this did not work out there will be someone else who will be right for you.

Pain Prevention

Always do the thinking before getting into it permanently. It might be painful to break up now, when you are ‘going out,’ in that pre-committed state, but it will be even worse later. It will be extremely disastrous and painful ones there are other parties like family and kids involved so the best deal is to think now. So make sure you sit back and analyze whether what you want out of a long term relationship is what you are getting out of current on.

This very important in the long run because there is a high possibility that you might end up bitter and disappointed later with it, if you don’t analyze what you want now. It is highly possible that your ‘love’ now might not be the right love for you at all. That is why before you get into ugly fights, make a rational decision now.

Romantic Love and Pre-Commitment

2009-11-24T03:54:00.000-08:00

Love figures in a big way in everyone’s lives. Some dream about it, some romanticize it and others deny it. But it is an always in vogue topic of discussion. Though the one ‘right’ person theory might be a myth but that does not mean that there is not more than one right person for you.

So how does one define that all encompassing ‘right’ factor in a partner? Well it might be defined as a kind of compatibility, which allows you to flourish and thrive in each other’s company. It is probably the quality, which makes it a solid team, where it is not the individual but the final end, which matters.

Such bonds are established on far stronger stuff than mere attraction, though this is a large and significant part of it. It is rather based on simple facts of common ideals, dreams and beliefs.
There has always been a tendency to exalt the entire notion of love in all mediums, literature, television or theatre.

But this entirely focuses that early phase of devotion passion and jubilation. But this stage in real life is short in duration as soon the high is gone and matters more practical have to be handled.

So, if one mistakes this initial stage of exhilarating romantic moments for the actual deal then it can lead to the downfall of the relationship. But this romantic phase serves a good purpose in reminding and holding exemplary importance regarding the potential that this relationship can possess when bad times are nigh. Today happiness has become such a sort after commodity that people will do and believe anything for that. They will agree to any terms so that they never have to feel pain, be hurt or get disappointed. That is why they are ready to jump at and grab any clauses that prevent these in their relationships, and make them work anyhow.

That is why so many people today are in a pre-committed state where they are not married but are going out only with each other. This makes sure that no matter what, they have the right to exclusivity with each other, but if it does not work out, they are free to go their own ways without dealing with an otherwise messy divorce.

Rushing into a Relationship

2009-11-24T03:52:00.000-08:00

Are you attempting to hurry into forming a relationship? This happens with some of you when you realize that most of your friends have steady partners, or that it is time for you to get married, or when you feel lonely. You tend to rush into an affair. You are willing to commit to someone despite feeling that person might not be the right match for you. This beckons future complications. Why do people behave in this manner? Is there a solution for this problem?

Experiencing the desire to be in a relationship is only natural. It is a biological occurrence and there is nothing unhealthy or immoral about it. In fact, it is an indispensable part of development. The problem creeps in when you enter a relationship to gratify some other yearnings that have no part in the actual relationship.

For example, if you are faced with problems at work, at home or with your health, you may believe that getting a companion would be a solution. You may want to escape the miserable situation you are in at present with someone else’s help and seek a happy life. This may eventually mar your relationship because you are getting into it with a load of baggage yourself.

You can avoid this in two ways— either solve your problems first or ensure that your partner supports you from the onset. You must be clear about everything to your future partner and ascertain their support.

Sometimes, failing to get into a relationship repeatedly can dent your self-confidence and make you feel inadequate or unimportant. You obviously want to feel good about yourself instead of being so miserable. This may make you dash into the relationship without really thinking too much. You need a partner to prove to yourself that you are capable of attaining one.

Hence you may easily end up choosing the wrong person and subsequently hurt both yourself and the other. Never go into a relationship based on such reasons. Before beginning a relationship, carefully examine your own self, your requirements, and find out what kind of qualities you seek in a partner.

Only when you are sure of these aspects should you start looking for the right individual for yourself. This is the safest and surest way to attain bliss and happiness in love and in life.

Bad Reasons to Get into a Relationship

2009-11-18T07:18:00.000-08:00

Do you feel that all of your relationships are perpetually going down hill? Even though it is not your fault? You should stop to think whether you are getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons may well entail a lot of heart ache and potential future disaster.

A common mistake is getting into a relationship because you are lonely. Many women hang on to their boyfriends out of a sheer fear of loneliness, even if their boyfriends don’t treat them well, are abusive, immature and disrespectful. A lot of women think that a bad boyfriend is better than no boyfriend at all.

This is however a route to potential future disaster and is best avoided. If you can see yourself approaching someone just to have someone to enjoy the weekend with, then reproach yourself, for this is a big mistake. Instead, get together with your single friends and spend time.

A lot of people get into a relationship out of peer pressure. As more and more of your friends find boyfriends and they get deeper into their relationships, and some even get engaged, you may often feel sad or depressed as to why you are not able to experience the pleasure they do. You may often feel that there is something wrong with you if you are still single.

There are even a few women who have an intense need to be like their friends so they often get into a relationship with the first person they see. However, there is nothing wrong with being single. There are many people who are single and happy, so find your self a hobby or something to engage yourself with.

Another common reason for people to rush into relationships is that they feel that they are missing something, and often they think that it is a male presence. However as they soon find out, a boyfriend rarely solves the problem. The empty space that they used to feel usually still remains.

The presence of these empty feelings inside them may damage their relationship later on down the line. When they enter a relationship, the man will sooner or later detect these insecurities and he will not be likely to take the relationship further.

As you can see, getting into relationships for the wrong reasons may damage your relationships later, causing many problems and a lot of heart ache. When you do get into a relationship, do so not because you need to but because you want to. Getting into a relationship should never be done under any sort of compulsion.

The Right Time To Say "I Love You"

2009-11-16T06:19:00.000-08:00

Saying “I love you” may be the sweetest thing that you may ever say or it may be the same when you hear it for the first time. It is a special feeling when the feeling is reciprocated. There may be a certain kind of risk involved in saying I love you. In case it is not done properly it can be disastrous, but in case of a good job, you may be able to seal the deal for good.

Time is an important factor when it comes to proposing your love. You may be able to make a relationship bloom just by placing the proposal at the right time.

Take into consideration certain things while saying I love you. It may open new horizon. It requires your commitment and your readiness to accept that you would be shared. You may be able to take up challenges. Make sure that you profession of love is not clumsy.

If you truly love her then make sure of your feelings. Sometimes while dating we may have mixed emotions. Feeling may be infatuation or admiration or lust. These are synonymous to love.
At times the best thing is to say nothing at all. When you see that you are finally ready to say it then do so.

If you manifest your love with sincerity then it would surely pay off. Make sure that you conduct your self in style. a lot of preparation is required. You may practice it in front of a mirror. Make sure that the ambiance is perfect when u do so.

To say I love you may be very exciting but when you say so be ready to face any answer. Remember that all love stories don’t have a happy ending. When you come to the moment it may be daunting but don’t shy away. No matter how lousy you may be while professing your love it may not matter as long as that emotion is sincere and honest.

Key Tips To Starting A Relationship

2009-11-16T06:17:00.000-08:00

You may be awesome in something. If you think you are smart then make sure that you show it off. If you think you have the ability to make some one laugh then go ahead make her laugh.In case you are good in sport, and then demonstrate it.

Let people know that you are different. Widen your horizon. If you feel that you do not have a prospect then think again and look into another direction. If you like sports then look for people with similar liking and hang out with them. Look fro someone with whom you would find it easy to talk. A successful relationship starts with communication. If you fail to do so you may lose the relationship.

First step that you should take is to communicate effectively with your partner. First start by simple talking and the make a friend out of that special person. Girls are usually circumspect while jumping into new commitments. Make sure that you find a reason to talk. Make sure that both of you are willing to exchange conversations.

Don’t make a third person a medium. Be yourself and express your feelings directly. Make sure that you don’t lie at the beginning of your relationship as this may be disastrous. You would be heart broken when you would find yourself lonely.

Convey your feeling. Make sure that the right kind of emotion is transferred. Flirting is a healthy social and playful activity but it may be reciprocated only in some cases. If you get the right kind of emotion then it may help you to build a successful relationship. Don’t be sad if it doesn’t pay back.

Take things slowly. Don’t show any kind of desperation. This may spoil it for you. When you take things easy you may be open to lots of surprises. You may be surprised that your special person may ask you out for a date!

Make sure you don’t get the wrong vibe. Once you know that a formidable base is made you can go beyond. Make sure that you continue having a normal routine. Don’t make your life revolve around that special some one. The person you may start loving may want you and not a clone of themselves. So it is important that you remain yourself truly as this would be highly appreciated.

How to Find and Attract Your One True Love

2009-11-14T05:15:00.000-08:00

You may look around and think that finding and attracting the right man is close to impossible. Everybody seems to be very happy in a relationship apart from you. It seems that you cannot manage. You may be successful in everything you do but when it comes to true love you fail to get one. You are left questioning whether at all as anything as one true love. Think what makes him or her great. He or she may be the one who love you unconditionally.

There may be flaws and imperfection included. There may be things in the relationship that you won’t agree but in-spite of all this, he or she will love you. This guy will reciprocate your love for him and even more. The question is whether you will be able to find him.

Even if you find him then next question is how would you attract him and make him stay. It is simple to attract him and make him fall for u and commit for a long term relationship. For this you need to close your eyes and think about that one true love. Imagine him standing in front of u. think how would he be. Think of a possible weekend get away to romantic destination. Think about a conversation that you may have. Think about how it feels when you are touched by him.

The way you feel and hear him in your mind is the way he would be in your true life. It is quite possible to meet someone like him. You may have had a bad experience with your past. But while visualizing your one true love you are actually manifesting him already. The concept of love at first sight is the manifestation before the first sight.

Manifesting is a virtual existence of this true man. Believe in your heart that you can really make this virtual man come to life. The next step for you would be is to change for the better. If you think that it has always been the man’s fault then it is the best time for you to look into your self. Nagging him is definitely not going to help. You should remember that a relationship is a two way street that requires both of u to work on it.

Stop your unwillingness and try something new because you still await the best.

Love - Deepen Your Understanding of Love

2009-11-14T04:55:00.000-08:00

Love is self help that approaches and guides you to a deeper understanding to a core notion. You can be your personal support system while creating a loving marriage with intensifying romance and relating with partner more openly. Loving feels simple but can make it complex and confusing.

To deepen your understanding of the emotion love u need to delve into the sub conscious mind. The most effective approach because the sub conscious is a process that is both emotive and personal. In this realm of the mind you can open new corridors of new understanding of love.

Use your cognitive thought process which is detached from your complex inner workings of the mind. Your mind may not be able to understand the emotional elements of your life but your self help approach can use it to reach the internal realms of emotion and sensation.

You would automatically develop a loving relationship that can be complicated if certain components are not addressed. There may be various reasons that may get in the way of your marriage and romantic life. These complications include like low esteem and fear.

There may be a fear of loss or you may believe that you are not deserving of a healthy and loving relationship. These complications exist in d sub conscious level and you are unable to recognize the problems of the conscious mind.

The most effective way to deal with this is to read into the mind. To have a successful loving relationship, start by loving yourself. Have a pre exchange of loving emotions with those close to you but it gets difficult in case you don’t have one. This is here that the simple process begins and it is also here that it starts complicating.

It’s the beginning of everything. If you cannot allow yourself to eradicate negative feelings within you, then you may feel a loving emotion but may internally suffer a conflict of emotion. This conflict needs immediate emotion and deeper understanding. Many people fail as they do not foster their love with their selves.

This makes the free exchange of love very difficult if not possible. Low esteem, fear and anxiety can be serious obstacles but you should have the power to control them through your sub conscious mind. Gain a deeper understanding of your loving emotion. This process will help you to achieve a complete success in your personal relationship. Love begins with self help.

Love,Sex and Dating

2009-06-09T06:37:00.000-07:00

True Love Takes Time.
The best way to test out your feelings for someone is to let some time pass.It also takes time to get to know someone you are interested in.
Time also allows you to examine your romantic interest in the light of fact.Is your partner eager for the success of your plans or only for his or her own?Does this person tend to put you down or build you up in front of others?Does he or she pressured you to do things that are really 'indecent'in order to satisfy selfish passions?Does he or she give priority to your viewpoint,your feelings?
Asking questions like these can help you appraise your feelings more objectively.
True love does not happen overnight.Nor is it meeting someone attractive,having sex with him or her and setting for marriage.real love takes time.
Tracy,for example,met a young man whom she admits she was not overly attracted to her at first.But they got to know each other better,things changed.She saw Micheal's concern for other people and how he always put the interests of others before himself."These were the qualities i knew would make a good husband.I was drawn to him and began to love him"a solid marriage resulted.
So how can you know true love?Do not depend on your mind.Get to know the content,what he or she is made up of.Give the relationship time to blossom.Don't forget that infatuation after reaching a pitch in a short while will then fades.
Genuine love grows stronger with time and becomes a perfect bond of union.

Love,Sex and Dating

2009-06-03T06:20:00.000-07:00

The Way You Feel or Think Can Be Deceitful.
Some people think or feel that the human heart has infallible romantic judgement.They say,'just listen to your heart','you will know when it's real love!'.It is a pity the facts contradict this notion.In a book i read recently,a survey was taken in which about 2000 young people(ages 18-24)reported having experienced an average of seven romantic involvements up to that time.Most admitted that their past romances were mere infatuation-a passing,fading emotion.Yet,these youths"invariably described their current experience as love".Most,though,will likely one day view their current relationship as they did their past ones-as mere infatuations.
It is disheartening that thousands of couples every year marry under the illusion of being 'in love',only to find out thereafter that they have seriously erred.Infatuation lures unsuspecting men and women into eventual ruined marriages.
In most cases,the judgement of our heart is misguided or misdirected.You can only escape the danger of making wrong choices when you stop to base your judgement of love what you think or feel.And learn the difference between infatuation and love.

Is It Love Or Infatuation.
A 16-year-old girl,Tracy,says "When you are infatuated with a person,you think that everything they do is just perfect".Infatuation is blind and it likes to stay that way.It doesn't like to look at reality",admits 24-year-old Calvin.
Infatuation is unrealistic,it is counterfeit love and self-centered.Such persons are likely to say:'I can't believe how fantastic this is 'or,"she really makes me feel good'.Notice how many times either "I" or "me" is used?A relationship based on selfishness is bound to fail.True love is just the exact opposite of all that has been aforementioned above.
Love is not selfish nor self-centered.It is true that couples may have strong romantic feelings and mutual attraction.But these are balanced by reason and deep respect for each other.when you are really in love ,you care just as much for the other person's welfare and happiness as you do for your own.True love does not allow overpowering emotion to destroy good and sound judgement.

Love,Sex and Dating

2009-06-02T08:50:00.000-07:00

Love to so many youth is having sex .To them it is a once -in-a-lifetime feeling of sheer ecstasy.Love,they believe is strictly an affair of the heart,something that cannot be understood,just experienced.No doubt about it,falling in love can be a uniquely beautiful experience.But what exactly is real love?

Love At First Sight.
A friend of mine,Matthew by name met a girl for the first time at a party.He was immediately attracted to her shapely figure and the way her hair tumbled over her eye when she laughed.The girl,Magaret was enchanted by his deep brown eyes and his witty conversation.It all seem like real love at first sight.
After three weeks of being together,Matthew and Magaret were inseparable.Then one day Magaret received a devastating phone call from a former boyfriend.She call Matthew for comfort.But my friend,felt threatened and confused,responded coldly.The love they thought would last forever died that day.
The movies we see today,especially the romantic movies,soaps and books would paint love at first sight as love that last forever.Physical attractiveness is usually what makes two people notice each other in the first place.As a young man put it,"it is hard to 'see' a person's personality"But what is it that one "loves" when a relationship is but a few hours or days old?Is it not the image that person projects?In the real sense of it,you know nothing about that person's thoughts,fears,plans,hopes,skills,habits,or abilities.You have only met the outer shell or the container,not the content.Ho enduring could such love be?

Looks Can Be Deceptive
In so many instances,outward appearances can be deceiving.Many young people have fallen in the trap of "looks".Any love built on outward appearances in most cases result into hurts,hearts breaks and hatred.It is a great danger to fall 'in love' with the way someone looks-and ignore what that person is inside.